Painful treats =[

I was uncertain about it actually =[ Most of the time, I often got into troubles when interacting with someone =[ Tragic are bound to happen to me =[ I felt that why must be me =[ Am I supposed to learn something ? Probably ? I am unsure =[

All this recent occurrence , left me into deep sorrow =[ I hope that I will not suffer from depression =[ God bless =] Amen =[ Whenever, someone turned his tail to me =[ This unexplainable thoughts appear =[ I tend to remember every bits and pieces of bitter, painful and hurting events =[ Not blaming anyone here =[ So don't get flare up or else I will rebuke !

I am a extreme polarise person, mostly to the pessimism side =[ I really had great desire for all this to end once and for all =[ I failed through many attempts of trying to get rid of it =[ Am I supposed to learn a lesson and so as to teach me about life ? Maybe =[ If it is that so, then I have no comments =[

I don't want to ask ''why me questions'' as it is awfully erroneous thought to have =[ Everybody will hate the hell out of me if I start to ask that question =[ Especially people closest to me =[ I have great fear that I might lose someone eventually =[

Numerous nightmares could be the evidence for that =[ Can anyone, console me =[ ? Or else I had to do it on my own =[ I think God wants me to have a backbone and stand on my own feet =[ Over dependence will cause me to be lazy =[ Over convenience is not worth my becoming ignorant =[ I think everything is a skill =] Some which require time to set in and make amendments accordingly =]

As I am typing out =] I feel more relieved =] Felt the torture and painstaking feeling left my soul =] Some brilliant light is shining inside me =] Am grateful for that =] Whenever some thing turns sour, I will weep =[ Quite a sissy action =] But after I wept, I feel much better =] Cry out my bitterness rather than keeping inside until one day it overcomes you =] take over your entire body =] Next moment, you killed someone without even knowing you did it ... Very dangerous so therefore take earlier signs of it =] quickly adjust before it turns permanent =]

Thank you Lord =] My everlasting healer and forgiver =] Your grace had touched me =] your almighty hands brings me closer to success XD Amen =] Tomorrow will be a great day =]

Love today and more tomorrow =]











I end off with a........ SMILE =]

After Believe the musical ends...

I was pretty missing =[ It is memorable XD All the happy and crazy moments we had =] Although many things had happened during the period of rehearsals, still it is thrilling and enriching =] Never thought I could performed well without having me being nervous on the stage =] In fact, I was enjoying each scenes that just come and goes =] I would rather be on the stage then backstage as I felt more nervous -.- Never mind =] Glad that it is over =] I had time to re-focus on what my future plannings might be =] Back then, the progress of the musical left me negligible amount of time to complete my assignments and the next moment it is another day =[ It was rather scary ,especially when mid year examinations are drawing so close !! Yet, I still turned up for rehearsals =] I scored among the top three =] I am proud of myself =] Thank God for his wisdom =] Able to concentrate well during the progress of the examinations =]

Speaking about the amount of challenges I went through =] It was rather challenging for me to cope with my emotions, homeworks, rehearsals and rest time =] Fortunately, I am sought of a fast learner =] Able to absorb quick enough to understand the context of the topic =] There were ups and downs =] Not completely ups as many things actually did happen that I was not expecting for it =] Some times, I criticise myself =[ But later on, I realised that I was insane =] Thank for the social books I read that gave me confidence to confront people whom I am afraid of approaching =] A little discovery of my own growth that I had somewhat changed my attitude towards anything =] I am enthusiastic in learning new stuff, the tougher the more exciting it turn up to be =] It is great achievement I had made so far =] Most importantly, I had done my parents proud =] Not crowing here -.- Just to give thanks to God who is behind all this successes =] Exult God and it will multiply =] Thanks to Mr Alex who had nurtured me =]

I am glad and contented that there are people out there watching me =] The moment I break lose of that chain with them, that's the end of me =[ As nobody bother about me =[ Actually, everyhing is always some thing to do with your mentality =] What you think is what you get =] It can be benefitting or devastating =] There is a choice =] I have to learn to be truthful to myself =] Acceptance is power =] I will always remember that =]

Term Three started out well =] I was transferred to another class for mother tongue lesson =] I not sure whether it will be helpful or erroneous to me =] Generally, that class is just full of complains and arguing .______.ll Not sure how long can the mother tongue teacher withstand those sparking remarks ._. I find them ignorant and annoying... Seriously, no self-control, discipline not only to the teacher but towards themselves -.- Lousy attitude .__.ll God Bless them -.-

Apart from that, pur history teacher also changed into a monotonuous teacher -.- He is short-tempered, impatient and lazy .___.ll What kind of teacher is he -.- Probably not worth my respect for him -.- Had him for social studies period ._. Crap ! totally ruined my interest for Social studies =.= Not sure what is happenning to the school system -.- quite retarded actually =] Expelling all the experienced teachers and hiring new ones -- No idea or how to motivate the students =] The school reputation is going to be down flat sooner or later ._. The language teachers are far from what I expected them to be -.-

Never mind, Enoguh of all this nonsense. Grab the certificate and leave =] Never return XD
HAHAHAHAHAS !!!

Having a gathering for cast party this saturday and attending birthday parties at my friend's place =] COOL! =] After this month =] Going for a holiday to GENTING =] Somewhere new and cooling =] Thank God for that =] Loving every moment I have with my friends =] Appreciating whatever that is within my reach =]

All the mendings and healings were the cause of God 's grace =] Thank you LORD =] I am beginning to see light after so crawling through a dark tunnel =] This experienced impacted me greatly =] Never forget about this experienced =] Maybe I should use the strong determination of mine and prioritise on my work =] That way, I can captivate myself =]

Just believe, like I believe in myself =]









I end of with a... SMILE =]

Realisation

I discovered something truthful about myself =] I only care for myself which is utterly selfish... I always put others after me =[ The law is totally controversial ... Is when I begin to express and show concern and love for others then they will be nice to me =]

There is practically no doubt that I was the one behind all my erroneous act ... Life is not so much about me only =[ It is about everyone, each and everyone of the entire globe =] I always thought to myself that Nobody will care about me or sympathy my feelings ... Which is also completely false =[ I just did not accept their care instead I am rejecting as I resent =[ All the while the universe seems to be signalling me by throwing pebbles at me =[ Whenever I opposed, it will increase in its size and effect =[ Probably when I was down for no reason, it was actually a sledgehammer that just struck my mind =[ If I perpetuate, a sizable boulder will land straight on my head that's when I am under condemnation =[

What I am saying here is that seeking happiness begins with me myself as a loner =] I have absolutely nothing but from there, step by step, maybe I start to resolve all my old and childish problems/Acts to attract attention =] The moment I gain confidence each time I succeeded =] I will be bold enough to step ahead to happiness !! =] I was just dreaming and wishing ...

What I need is acceptance =] I accept where I am - Position, physical appearance, knowledge, wisdom, etc. =] Acceptance may seem like a key to the next level =] Ya, it's true =] By the way, I taken all this from a book =] Lovely =] Happiness in a Nutshell =]

Oh yeah one more thing, jealousy =] A very provoking and irritating sense ... Those of you who experience should know =] It always starts from minor situation =] Small is big ... This phrase to me is important =] It will lead me on further =] I got them from Nanotechnology =] Interesting subject to talk about =]

Never mind =] Enough about my desires =] Come to think about it =] I have probably pursuing Science courses as my choice =] It is very much matching with my current curiosity about things =] Any scientific terms, I am ready to research about it =] I will get too engross over it and every I go, I will see them =] That's how I memorise things =] Especially science =] Hearing people speaking or discussing about it =] hahas =]

I met Xiang today =] That's my greatest realisation !! We were out and were playing table tennis together =] While we were playing, a topic came right into my head =] So I started sharing it =] Which is life ! =] He told me many things he did in China =] One of the village near the coast area =] He told me how terrible it is when it is during winter season whereby it is chilling and will get a frostbite ._. The education there is very limited =[ Expensive too =[ No additional resources given =[ No allowance =[ Practically nothing but he himself and his kins or friends =] Retrospection, I had so many things within reach =] I had a personal computer and laptop , I have allowance just right for the entire week , I got my own room, my house is filled with furniture, I have Healthy paternal grandparents, still alive maternal grandparents, Wonderful parents, I got a bed to sleep on, I have a printer, an arc mouse, almost everything I need =[ Yet ! I still complain about this and that =[ This is the part where by I am apologising to all my peers or whoever whom I had groused on =[ Especially to my parents and closer ones =[ Sorry for my insensibility and immature act =[ I will change my thoughts =]

Thank God for everything =] I received more than enough =] It is overflowing the abundance of grace from GOD =] Amen !! Maybe I need to change my thinking towards anything I seen or heard from =] Praise God today rehearsal, there was almost zero comment about my performance =] Which I doubt so but I just accept it =]

Maturity is an essential part of life =] Which is something I need to develop it slowly =] There will not be instantaneous results but it will gradually turns into daily routine =]






I will sign off here =]


I end off with a ....... SMILE =]

I feel the togetherness !!

Today is the day I finally found a slightly closer bonding with the Gang members =] Cool =] Means I had got rid of some fear inside me =] As you know I am a timid person ! =] Thank God =] Praise him =]

At least, I am not alienated any more =] I don't want to be who I am any more =] Sounds like the lyrics !! =] Any way you can buy tickets through me =] you will get a 10% discount for every ticket, specifically for students =] *I know I am typing to myself* =] Hahas =] Whatever !!

I am mood shifter ! =] I found a good solution to enhance my focusing and concentration skill =] Just ignore those who I don't really wish to talk to =] Mainly, closer to me =] It is complicated lah ! =] Never mind =]

Material science course is over =[ Ended so soon =[ Miss Mr Andy a lot =] One of the better lecturer in RP =] Although his ranking is not at there, he is able to perform well and carry on =] Humorous person =] He emphasised on socialising with people a lot =] He kept re-arranging our group so I managed to make some new friends from the express stream =] Good move =] I am pretty active although feeling lethargic =[ Insufficient sleep =] Hahas !! God bless him =] Amen !

I really need to make a gentle reminder to myself not to criticise myself =] I really hate suffering under condemnation =[ It is quite inevitable that is why I need God to guide me =] My life is getting livelier and *higher* =] I mingled with quite a few people who had been my fear to approach =] I broke through it finally =] Open up my 14 years of complete sealed mouth =] I feel more satisfied =] I fulfill some challenges =] YEAH MAN ! =]

Life is marvellous =] I get to see the magnificent kaleidoscope sky or nature =] It is very thrilling =] For the reason, I am enthusiastic about all this =] I tend to express myself out more =]

I still finding someone who is interested and enthusiastic like me =] My dream and Goal in my life =] I definitely will meet that person =] Female or male does not matter =] I don't have such friends still =[ NONE ! ZERO ! All have different views and ambition =[ Go ahead with your whatever =] XD THere is still so many more milestones =] Patience =]

EVERYDAY IS GOING TO BE A EXCITING DAY =] TO LEARN !

Don't be offended =] Go on with whatever you yearn for =]





I end off with a.... SMILE =]

Lonely ? Does it bothers ?

For me, I am quite an EMO person... Generally not favourable to the others =] Hahas but never mind, hope it will get better after some time =] Amen !

Well, I am quite a demanding person =[ For instance, I expect people to treat me well ! I know it is impossible if I do not even take the first step to treat people nicely at first =[ Guess that is me !

I talked to Yu lun during our break time in Republic Polytechnic- I am having a 5-day course work (Material Science) =] Yu lun and I actually have quite similar characteristic =] I promised not to leak the message so I shall not =] By the way, that is the best way to maintain trust in one another =] At least for me =]

I loved my lecturer =] He is quite a decent looking guy =] He is very knowledgeable in his own particular subject and mathematics too =] Maybe I should learn to speak like him =] Mr Andy =] A brilliant teacher =] He taught us efficiently =] He even helped me in my assignments ; mainly science and mathematics =] I am thankful and grateful for his time spend to help me solve the problems =] *Especially during his break time* =] He is a sympathetic person =] He has deep feelings for those special category type of people which needs extra attention and care =]

Milfirt who is in our group often been despised and asked to shut his mouth up whenever he tries to inquire something ._. Mr Andy gave a stern look at the class .... There was moment of seriousness ! Quite scary -.- After the class ended, Milfirt bolted out of the class and Mr andy stopped us from leaving the room ... He talked to us about special people =] Like I mentioned earlier he is a sympathetic person so he gave us more scenario of the cruelty being displayed by humans ... His tone increased as he speaks further =] HE is very careful with himself as he can control his anger and frustration quite well =]

This teacher has quite a unique type of personality =] He looks quite like a drama actor =] Good looking guy =] Bright career =] He always ask me if I had any problems with my maths or science... Since the first day I stepped into the class =] Cool ! From what I see, seldom there is such teachers around =]

I am out of my main topic here ! -.- Distracted =] Sudden thoughts of mine =] I feel great when I praise other people but myself ! lol =]

Back to my main theme =] I mean I have this extremely weird jealousy of people that is very close to me ! IT has been haunting me all day long =[ I prayed to God to cleanse me and it is working but somehow it is still in my mind =[ What did I do to avoid such situation ? I just avoid that person and not communicating to him/her... I find more happiness when I am not with anyone close to me =] IT causes me not to think about that person =]

During the process of rehearsal, I am quite alone =] Not blaming them but myself =] Hahas Mostly, I will just go home if I have the chance to =] The strongest weakness I had with my closer friends is that interest ! I love astronomy and everything that associates with science or nature, while the other person likes IT and design -.- Two different types ! Difficult for me =[ Therefore, lack of interest =] See the linking and connection problem ? =[ Never mind about that =]

I guess I will end off here =] I better not carry on or else I will be sued for insulting and critising IT lovers =] Seriously no offend, just an example =] Go ahead and love your IT while I enjoy the nature =] Tomorrow, tt will be a marvellous and thrilling day =] Amen ! Amen ! =] I should care for myself more instead of caring about others =] Selfish but I have no other choice =]







I will end off with a........ SMILE =]

Adult Empire

Today went for a late Mother's Day celebration =] Nevertheless, I had a great time with them =] I was able to understand my parents more and relate to them .... I discovered that I had numerous of disagreement and objections towards their statement... I realised it was might be the gap interval between us was ultimately long =[ We were chatting about Christianity, I refused to say anything about my religion or should I say relation with God ? =]

Majority of my relatives and kins are all Buddhist ... I find difficult to understand explain... They told me to feel free to speak ! Okay so I continued and insisted a long ! Never mind, we dropped the subject after a while -.- THe longer it drags, it became seemingly complicated, I did not want a happy dinner to be a devastating one ....

Next they asked about me, generally what I am thinking about ! My head was blank for a moment, then started pondering =] Follow on, they questioned me, how do I deal with it ? The question they ask has never occurred to me ! I was wondering so much thing had happened... Without fail, everything that I spotted were not pleasant ones ! Usually are those guilt and jealousy !

Well, I had stopped being a atrocious person... Living my life blindly as I move on ! Retrospecting, I had lots of evidence to prove that I am found guilty of.... Countless ! My mum was worried so told me not to think so much ! I was frustrated but kept cool, so replied to her that some things I need to think more about it ! IT really concerns my future .... Who is going feed me ?

Okay lah, She told me to release all my grudges ! I had already set them free the yesterday =] A New beginning of me =] Some thing strange about my parents is that they dislike me being over grown ! Their opinion including my Aunt's were that live the Teenage life like normal teenagers do ! WOW ! Fantastic is not it ? Interesting background !

I know what they are trying to signal me but planning really needs to start now ! I am 14 going to 15 this year ! Nobody except God will help me ! Never anyone ! So far.... Minor , YEs ! Major , no ! Not neglecting previous year, one did =] He changed my entire life upside down =] I felt that he is the one who can show me what life brings ! Now ?! Forget it, everyone is busy ! Not comparing here, not complaining ! It jsut feel not upright !

This year, I am all a lone ! Deal with my own disasters ! Everytime it felt like a pebble been thrown at me ... MY Aunt shared with me an interesting theory =] She pointed out to the cup XD She continued, '' If we hold the cup for a few moment, It does not feel heavy at all. After 12 hours, the weight of the cup will be there ! '' She told me why not let go your inner complexity ! Just like letting go the cup =] It is tough for me ! I am quite stubborn at certain times !

Now looking at my progress ! I had succeeded a little =] Promoting from NT to NA ! Getting all my work and assignments done =] Able to write a long full written english text ! It takes time ! Today I am able to sit here typing out all this with conciousness ! A little la ! Not many ! Hahas ! Never mind ! Who gives a damn ! I am the reader and author ! Nobody else except me XD

Adults are very strange and unique personality.... Some hope their sons and daughters to be mature and think steadfastly with logical sense, some giving freedom .... My parents don't expect much of me but I have expectation of myself ! Quite high =] Fulfilling it is my duty and my goal XD I will rejoice whenever I achieve it ! Not stopping there, I persist =] Some things I did not think so much ! I am careful here ! Not everything I had persisted ! I want to change it around ! I want it to be appear in everything ! =] Nothing more nothing less =]

Encountering Adults' mind is extremely tedious ! Sad that my parents think that I am thinking too much for my future ! Haiz ! I will just continue leading myself to a better and righteous life =] That's the wat I should be =] Optimistic person =] Believe in God, He is almighty ! Praise him forgiving me life and such a wonderful mind =]

I will stop here,
Gerwin









I end off with a SMILE =]

A New Beginning

I slowly discovering what really held me back in my past 14 years and Five months... All the while, I had been lying to myself and gave up so many opportunities to nurture myself =[ I will not blame my parents or anyone ! I blame myself for all this lawless deeds... I did not have any limitations at all ! Online gaming seemed to me as my daily routine ! Whatever the games are, it's still a form of virtual image ! Those usually procrastinates all my work !

I had been lazy and refused to accept people advice ! Yes, some went deep into my thoughts but mostly were ignored or not giving two hoots about it ! Books, movies or any other form of communication, shown or told me to be optimistic ! Hahas, some of which did exist in my daily life now ! Those mental strength and inner emotional control =]

Seriously, I did find it tough at the start but as it moves along the milestones I had embark... It gradually became enlighten =] EVERYTHING requires time and effort =] Minor or major not important as long as I BELIEVE I can, it will be =] In Jesus name =] Amen !

I have my dignity and pride for myself =] I vow today will be the mark of my journey to become a successful person in life =] Brilliant is it ? When you start praising yourself more, you feel the evil intensity automatically leave your soul =]

My point of view is that no matter whatever the problems or setbacks are, I should not have let it go ! As in give up =[ Nobody can help me including God if I don't help myself ! =] Mind is a powerful tool that can either generate disastrous and devastating results or benefiting and joyous results =] My mind is within my control =]

I am going to be from nobody to a somebody =] Nothing shall stop me or refrain me from achieving that ! I certainly worth more than any of you guys think ! I will not torture myself anymore ! I will love myself to the degree that I will surpass all my love for anyone I had in my life ! Simply, no one do not care if I live or die or suffer =]

This is my first fucking ever time, typing and meaning my words or text ! I am solemnly changing... It is unbearable and painful.... I can't watch my life pass by ! In the end, I gain nothing and I will appreciate nothing, absolutely zero !

I don't give a freaking damn thing anyone going to boast about ! Go ahead and crow ! I am too obstinate to believe that I am not far away from anyone ! I can make it ! =]

My past post are just illusions and imaginations I had ! =] A new Beginning will mark all my words ! =]

I will stop going online gaming ! I will find meaningful and productive work that will cause my mind to process ! =] I will start training myself, shift my emotions constantly in specific areas =] IF I had nothing good to say, I will just shut my fucking mouth up ! =] I promised !

All this things I pray in Jesus name. Amen! Hallelujah !









I end of with a BROAD SMILE =]

What's wrong with me !?

Am I ignorant ? Am I irritating ? Do I have a sharp tongue ? Do you guys find me complicated to talk to ? Must I be good looking then you guys will accept me ? This are the mere possibilities that may cause all this ...

Yaya, I admit not good looking, so what ? Well, I discover that in this blog, there is not a single soul... In fact, I am talking to myself ? Ya ! I am insane !

I guessed God wants me to do something about it =[ Pondering about all this will not help me, instead it refrains me from getting a long with you guys ....

Okay, Enough of this rantings... I would possibly scare off readers of my blog =] I will stay positive =] I just got to get on my own feet and start searching for something meaningful.... All this little distractions are just pissing me off XD I don't want to compete anymore, I don't want to compare anymore ! I am who I am ! My limitation has been set !

I don't why people talks to me and leave me alone for the rest of the fucking life of mine.... Am I a toy to you guys !? No, I must not let anymore treat me like this ! Neither I shall criticise myself =] I think that is the best way that I can released all the condemnation inside me =]

It's bitter and painful... It is not worthwhile to think about .... I always dreaming and wishing someone ! Anyone can come to me and ask me concerning question ! Please ! Knowing that it is impossible X.X I still want =] My spirit must be strong !

Since I am this Musical ! I will make use of the powerful morality of it to enhance and nurture me ! That's what all those people are posting out there in facebook =] Believe and Believe ! I believe somebody will come to me =] In Jesus name, Amen ! =]

My post will end here,
Gerwin







I end off with a.... SMILE =]

Lost ?

I am ball in the high wheats.... Every time the wind blows, I will just follow along.... There is zero value and meaning in every where I go =[

I get a double whammy whenever I am in school and outside of school.... I don't exactly know the reason but thoughts that struck me( Negative) usually cause that ... When I don't talk, not because I am depressed !

That's the problem with me, all the while fear and condemnation takes place ! I have no self-assurance that it will be fine ! None of you guys will be able to help me, only God does... Every week, I always seeking for something that would be beneficial for me ! It's quite tough !

There is still a lot more to learn... Journey does not stop ! Just like the Sun ... It will never stop burning and shining.... All this hysterical people thinks the Sun will just eventually stops burning ! Crap lol... Day after day, meteorites struck the Sun numerous times, various shapes and sizes...

I am enthusiastic about climate changes =] It makes me wonder and think XD Realising that it is the only think that could satisfy myself, I will continue to search for relevant details XD Who knows I might be interested to take in the career as a meteorologist or scientist ! =] I will follow my heart whenever it takes me, where the wind blows, I will follow ! If no one supports me , I will stand on my feet and support myself.

This musical had impacted me...Ever since I step my foot into the rehearsal hall, numerous problems and setbacks bombarded me ! I am very grateful for those who taught me the steps =] Hahas will not neglect the help of my peers in Believe the musical =]

I think I will stop my post here...

Gerwin

I end off with a... SMILE =]

Who Am I ?

I am a little emotionally affected today... It had been lasting for at least Three Months straight I have this complex mindset of mine =[ It was extremely tough for me =[ Every time I felt like giving up =[ Seriously !! No Kidding !! God who loves me, does not wish to see me condemn, he whispered in me to read about Ministry of Death and Deepest root is Condemnation by Joseph Prince's Destined to Reign =]

It was rather true that I was under that circumstances to perform such thoughts in me =[ I had plenty to say... I wanted to avoid anyone from noticing it =[ I kept cool ! Life still seemed complicated but that's the way it is =[ It's inevitable ! I had to face it =[ This year has been my first Painstaking start =[ It was unbearable =[ The extreme condemnation inside me ! I cried day and night when I was a lone =[ Humming songs under my breath... All the while was depressed and wished I could reverse the time =[ I could not and it is impossible =[

YAYA ! You guys can keep giving comments and recommendations about being positive !! You guys only know how to say it but not doing it ! You try being under this pressure.... I bet you will not believe it and just suicide if you can !

On April 28th, a miracle finally arrived =[ Am I pleased ? Of course !! I was relieved ! I felt the devil that possessed in me, left automatically once I started realising that God was behind all this =] Praise the Lord ! Amen =]

Without knowing that God tries to remove me from the evil temptation ! I insisted on siding the devil but not God =[ Wretch person of me =[ Since Jesus came, his blood cleansed me whole and healed =] Thank God for his mercy =] I am living a better life right now =] Although examinations are around, I know God has finished the work and I am just doing his finished work =]

I love being a Believer =] IT leads to better living and lesser resentments =] That's why I am in this production ''BELIEVE'' =] Now I know what was holding me back =]

Today I am able to express myself to you is because of my personal rejoicing with God =] Hahas =]

It might seem to you that all doubts had been cleared... There is only a little bitterness in school and I seriously hate it !! A slight twist and that's the end ! Great ! Losing friends and love ones is the most heart breaking experience ! I had them once but it was put to an end =]

There's goes the saying Who Am I to judge ? I just an ordinary person who believe righteously in Jesus's Finished work on the cross and I am healed wholeness =] I have zero authority in any position ... In this production, I am generally a youngest in the entire cast and crew. We all start small =] Right believing leads to right living and living righteously ! =]

Although setbacks might seem troublesome and afflicting, knowing that giving up is the lousiest excuse, why not just bear the grudges and live like normal ? I should have ask that to myself 4 months ago...

Musical is drawing near =] I am nervous XD Hahas First biggest project, First experience, First major setbacks and First mendings of my personal problems !!

I learned the most this year ! Regardless of whatever had happened, you know most important you must not criticise yourself(myself) . Example ; not good Looking, a little fat, pudgy or whatever imperfection, Never ever fall short of yourself =]

I will close here,

Gerwin

I end off with a..... SMILE =]

Things slowly to better =]

It has been long since I did not interact with my parents XD Today I did =] I know it sounded rather ridiculous but it was the fact =] My parents understood what I am undergoing =] They encouraged me and gave me advice to rest more when necessary =]

I always hope that my parents were stricter by all means =] Simply because I needed that lecture for me to be sturdy =] I starting to realise how important family bonding is =] As I always thought that my family will never understand my situation but I was absolutely wrong =] Through Christ, Grace gave me confidence to communicate with my parents =] There were truth follow up =] It is a little religious but too BAD ! =] Jesus my lord and Saviour had took all circumstances on the cross itself just to purify us (Healing) =] I began to feel his holiness and blessings =] Each time I felt like giving up, He gave me solution to overcome the setback in a condition that I (Myself) want to accept it =]

I bought the book Destined to Reign =] It taught me useful tips to be a believer and worshiper of God =] There are two different main factor which is Law and Grace =] The book written : We cannot mix Law with Grace as it is like adding ferment wine into new wine. Grace is Grace, Laws are Laws =] Two separate main points =] Grace will flow when Law is forbidden =] I chose Grace =] It will make me Reign in life XD I guessed I was too excited =]

Well, I am starting cheer myself up and compare myself with Jesus's love for me =] His heavenly father agreed to send him down to the mortal and suffered all condemnation and sins from us. From there on, people sins were forgiven =] Amazing Grace =] Something which was undeserved and unmerited favors =]

I will close here =] I believe (For me) All work is finished at the cross so I can rest from work =] Striving to hard will bring no benefits =] Certain things =] It is like chasing rainbows which you know it is impossible as it is refraction of light =] Tiny water droplets were subjected under the sunlight to produce magnificent spectrum of colours which symbolises 'Rest' ! =] Seven is a holiest number XD

Notice when I Smile =] Seven colours appears XD Cry three so Smile better =]

I end with a...... SMILE =]

Resurection

Hi there ! I know my blog has been dead for a term =] I had no spare time to write or rather lazy =] I had many rehearsals and other activities (Unimportant ones !) so I tangled up my time =[ Every time I tried to encourage myself to start writing out to express myself and at the same time improve on my composition sentence structure =] Now I will go according to weekly basis =]

It had been a dramatical roller coaster journey =[ Many mishaps occurred =[ Trying to be optimistic was the most complicated job =[ Yes, I deserved it due to my ignorant act =[ It was disheartening to watch people leave me =[ I never expected that really impact my daily life =[ All day long, I had been pondering over all this nonsensical thoughts that only disrupts me in learning (General reflection) =[ I felt that why I had to be the victim ? Well, I agree with Mr Alex that Life is not fair =] I must admit it... I personally experienced it =]

Forget about my previous post =] Now come to the main topic =] Resurrection ? To what ? Not to the blog! It was certainly for me ! I need to refresh my thoughts =] I prayed in Jesus name that He will cleanse me =] Many miracles or unknowing things happenings =] You think I was the only one behind all this ! No! It was with Christ that my life changes drastically =] Pastor Joseph Prince Preached on Doctrines and Words of God =] I am interested as it was meaningful to life =] It had great effect on me =] Grace and truth are together =] He taught me through preaching on various beneficial Words of God. It transformed me into better self-confidence and self-worthiness =]

The one thing that I will never forget is, whatever anyone cast aspersions on me or persecutes me or talk back behind me or whatever means to intimidate me, their word carries zero power as I am the one who will bring vitality and clarity to the words coming from others =] Simply means, I am the only who can control my own emotions and beliefs =]

I think that's about all =] Hope you guys would realise why I stayed silent in the middle of nowhere =] Argh ! Don't bother me better ! I am insane =] Instant changes in my facial expression =]

I end off with a...... Cry

Annoyed by her !

Why Sort of disturbed ?

Simply because whatever she said does not make any common sense to me ! For example: She told us specifically that not to write more than two pages full of context if not she will not understand the story line of your composition. It's completely insane right ! As a language teacher, she must be more superior in her subject ! Not complaining about being oblivious ! I had lots of disagreement with whatever she spoke for the past four weeks ! There was another case that happened today which made me confused ! She rebuked us for not reading books but when I started reading, she said that I am straining my eyes ! WT* was she trying to signal me ? Crap la ! Seriously, I am extremely disappointed with her progress ! She almost failed as a Language teacher ! She is not a professionally trained teacher. She just deliberately abusing her own powers to try to impress me by using complex words without making any meaning to it at all ! Well, to put in it a easier way, she just trying to pretend that we as the whole class will be astonished to the way she interact with complicated words which does not make a single sense at all !

She taught us Syllables and pronunciation of words today ! WoW ! Awesome, 100 marks given to her lol ! I really regret that Mr Alex left teh school =[ Now I know what he meant by other characteristic of teachers =] I had deep thoughts that this year and the following year will be quite a traumatic experience for the classes being taught be HER =[

Well, simple saying, An Absense of something makes you recall and regret greatly =[ Mostly we take things for granted =[ Including me, opportunities given but not taken in as a challenge =[ More homework does not mean that the teachers are cruel =] We as a whole have to realise that all this are beneficial towards our O's ! I didn't want to mention about N's because it's really a huge interval between the context of the question, it will be At least ten times more complicated than the N's as to compared with the O's =] I don't wish to let time flies and absorbing absolutely zero ! I agree with Mrs Smahon that 'Every moment counts' ! We have to sometimes interpret deeper and generates positive remarks of that person =] It makes everyone have a broader smile on their faces =] She has to make an attempt to change her techniques to communicate and transfer knowledge from her to us ! Both parties must evenly change =] You guys are with me ? =] I always wanted to express to her what I feel about her ! It isn't easy to opinion on others effort which they didn't ask from us =[ I had load of things want to share with her to improve the condition just finding for the right time and place to do it =] I still regard her as an elderly despite of her background and character =]

There was a part where by I totally objected ! Not all teachers always gain victory ! Students have some priority on sounding their concerns =] We pay for the teacher to come and share their knowledge with us so we have the every right to comment ! Of course in a proper and poilte way =] I must say Mrs Smahon really just spit whatever she wants in her mind without further hesitation ! =[ Gosh ! Perhaps I raised too much of her =]

Basketball ! :

Hahas just a short paragraph here =] Sleepy and exhausted !

Basically I just summarise the entire event =] We just played for three hours of basketball =] It was fun though XD Hahas I acquire the truth now =] Chin Yong's girlfriend revelation appears as quite a miraculous choice -.- He perpetuates on with that Girl from 3A2 -.- Haiz ! No comments LOL =] Jia hui seemed upset today, for certain and private reason =]









I end off with a.............. SMILE =]

She fails one after another...

Reason towards her failure :

I failed to perceive her as a proper english teacher =[ Simply because she still does not understand the needs of both classes 3A1 and 3A2.... Despite so many rumours spreading from a class to another class, she still don't understand the situation going about. It has been four weeks from the start of the year, we supposed to be doing comprehensions and compositions... but she subsequently wasted time on creativity and disciplinary in her lessons itself... There are a total of 6 hours every week just for english alone... In that period of time, numerous learning can take place... She kept screaming and shouting regardless of whatever she's doing... Well, I appreciate her teachings a lot but not in this manner... Though her lessons are more or less meaningful but it does not appear in examinations ! She gradually upsets plenty of students leading to disputes in her lessons... who to blame and who is in fault ? She is the majority one who created all this miraculous problems -.- I expected her to be more professional but seems like it is quite tedious job for her.... Anyway she has got to find her ways to help to improve on the condition =] Like Mrs Smahon said ''You must help yourself in order to succeed and achieve whatever is your desires or ambitions''. Now I am returning back to her in a rephrase statement ''You must learn to stimulate students in order to attain others attention towards your teachings''. Makes absolute sense =] We do our part as a student and she must also follow what's needed to look forward to a better class and stronger bondings with the students themselves =]

Well, I just hope she discovers the requirements of us soon ... I will not let the matter continuously getting worsen to the point that we totally give up on her... That's when hatred comes and probably stays permenantly within us =[ May she realise the truth from me to her as soons as possible =] God bless ! Amen =]

Discussion of her Ends here :

Let's not interact in this way =] It is a terrible thign to do behind other people =] Well, I will not possibly wait for her to notice the true colour of the students =] I will begin on my own =] I believe I can obtain a A2 at the end of this year =] Knowing the result is virtual, I will strive harder to score for A1 =] The O's will determine how much and far you had accumulate throughout this damn Four years of education... Not a Joke ! I solemnly speaking the truth =] I can feel the complication coming from my inner thoughts and feelings =] I have great fear on that, so to prevent it from revealing, my journey towards the O's begins where I am sitting now =] I will start counting the days to the O's =] Well, impossible is nothing =]

The school on the other hand, is another major problem I discover ! All this load of crap meetings are just trying to accelerate the hour hand quickly -.- It is just a total waste of time and effort -.- Morever this year is a streaming year ! It is either you fail and remain or pass and go forward =] I rather not attend the rehearsals and fail my exams, instead stay at home and start revising over and over again =] Even If I entirely understand, I shall not be arrogant and continue working ! Arrogance blind yourself =]

Well, after all, the sixth sense I must be within me is FAITH =] Once faith surrounds me, everything will be moving smoothly =] I believe God will guide me along throughout my lessons or test =] I believe he is with me where ever I head to =] God does not attempt to even deceit mankinds =] He is trustworthy and full of righteousness =] Nobody can replace him =]


Well, I will end here =]






I end off with a.... SMILE =]

I spoilt my fan !

Fan spoilt !?

Today, every period were double =[ It was like brain washing time =[ Many recaps of previous year syllabus =[ For chemistry and physics, both are completely foreign to me =[ Part of the chapter I understood but mostly blurred out =[ Slowly I am capturing what the teacher is explaining =] I am of course glad about that =[ I am not oblivous =] I am able remember certain things for years and still fresh in my head =] This few days, I was capricious =[ I left my book under the table but fortunately, I retrieved it back =[ After a few days, there again I left my file underneath the desk and just walked off the classroom without knowing =[ Once I am thrilled about something, I always forget those various location like underneath the desk which I placed my books =] Now of course it is gradually improving =] I will make an attempt to bend my spine and take a glance so as to ensure I don't leave anything behind =[ I get worried easily =[ Especially those notebooks and important stuff =[

My church said ''Worrying causes the pipe to be strangled!'' Meaning to say that the pipe is flowing calmness but because of my emotional anxiety, I am actually strangling the pipe which provide me the necessary wisdom and clarity =] It has been provided by God =] So we can't blame the God for not giving us the things we did not see =] The church services really teaches us many meaningful scenario and cruxial knowledge about the Bible; God's words =] I started praying for goodness and guidance from God when I was moody and depressed =] The following day, I had no recalls upon my yesterday's sobbers =] I beginning to feel his existence =] There was another time whereby I lost my file which contains some confidential details on a hardcopy paper =] Not really important but just don't want it to be exposed to everyone else =] So I prayed to God and the following day I found my file at Mrs Smahon class =]

It was this Monday which we had double English periods with Mrs Smahon =] So I was engaged in my reading, totally had no idea of checking underneath the file =] So there was a sudden thought which I doubt it was my own personal thought. I began feeling for the file and I felt something, I was extremely relief at that moment of time =] I am very sure that God was the one behind all this =] Amen ! XD

You know how I was feeling just now? I was petrified when my fan screw couldn't be tighten =[ I was seeking for help but there weren't =[ Nobody was at home except me =[ It all happened like this : I was intending to wash the fan because it was covered with dirt so the vandilation seems blocked by the dirt =] I unscrewed the screw and I heard some crispy sound =[ That was the time whereby I was astonished ! The contents in the screw chipped off =[ Oh my Gosh LOL ! I am dead meat ! I started punching my father's number frantically and hopefully he will be able to pick up my call =[ I don't want to keep it from them (My parents)... After all, it is their property ! Finally, they gave me a call and asked me what's the matter =[ I was afraid of telling them the tragedy =[ I took in a deep breath and told them all about it =] They were silent for a few seconds and I felt peculiar =[ I thought they would have rebuked but instead they told me not to fearful =] I felt a calmness inside me after I spoken to them =] If there's a need to change the fan, I am willing to compensate =] All the while, I was the one using it so I am the one responsible for my facilities used =]

A phobia living inside me =[ :

There was something I feared of losing =[ Every night I always come about thos virtual imagination happening to me in future =[ I always hope that will not happen =[ I am afraid of losing someone =[ It is difficult for me to let that person leave me =[ He is my everything =[ I once was lost but that person was the one who grap me from my darkness and pull me out of that place with an absence of vitality =[ It is getting more real =[ I better stop posting before it comes true as our mind is a powerful generator =[ It makes everything revealed after some time =] So better stay optimistic XD



I will pray to God, hoping he will guide me along together to understand that person more =]










I end off with a........ SMILE =]

Losing rest =[

Reasons for that( Losing Rest) :

Apologies for disappearing for a couple weeks without updating my blog =[ You guys could consider my blog as lonely... simply because I seriously dont have spare time to type out =[ I had plenty of thoughts and feelings in me =[ Just find it complicated to express out to my dear readers =[ My homework are exceedingly increasing from zero to four or five assignments instantaneously =[ It is quite terrifying to experience such condition suddenly =[ But it was expected early before I hit 2010 =] Challenges arises and problems overflowing =[ I am a little frustrated to the fact that I am always distracted by a subtle noise made by the surroundings =[ Especially while reading a storybook in the morning =[ The first moment I had it and just a few seconds later, someone raises their voice, I lost track of where I am =[ I have to cultivate the habit of focusing and concentrating =] I am quite glad that it is gradually improving XD There's nothing to panic or worry about as I can't control others mouth =[ It's their vocal so it depends on that particular person =] I am learning efficiently =] I am quite contented with my progress from 4th of January untill now =] At least I was able to absorb and understand whatever the teachers are emphasising =] Most wonderful thing is, Chemistry and Physics lessons are split into two different classes =] It is to enhance the ability to teach and eliminate as much doubts as possible from the students... For certain reason, our class is huge =] I am still getting the names and observing them closely =] I don't want to mix around with those trouble makers as it will end up miserably =]

Despite of exhaustion, I still generate nightmares, horrifying ones =[ It will result me in fatigue and tensions =[ Really attempted to calm myself down at night =[ It is tough =[ Apart from studies, I still have to attend rehearsals for Mr Alex Musical 'Believe' =] I don't want to disappoint him so I have to work intensively to train my vocal =[ As a first timer, there are numerous of mistakes made, so I have to constantly listen attentively and develop a sombre attitude towards learning =] Character ''Su Zi'', I am still investigating =] I do know what it actually means =] Other than that, I have to watch over my food intake =[ Simply because I have to protect my voice =]

Enough whining or neither grousing =[ I am just feel isolated =[ So just wanted to expose my inner thoughts to everyone =] Hoping you will response and receive useful information regarding my personal enigma =]

One more important fact =] Discovered I don't have anymore entertainments in my blog anymore ? It is just plain context =] Well, I can't resolve it so turn on your own favourite music instead and enjoy each and every part of my sharings =]









I end off with a..... SMILE =]

2010 Believe !

My First Rehearsal =] :

Hahas =] Today post is about my first rehearsal before the up coming Musical ''Believe'' XD I was quite enthusiastic about the first rehearsal =] Nervous at the same time X.X Fortunately didn't fool around during the rehearsal moment =] I was concentrating and focusing on my weakness and strongest =] As I can't always looked at my weakness, it will cause a depressing expression upon myself, meaning that I don't have any well to speak about myself =] Although I learned from my mistakes, there are some point whereby I need to speak good of myself =] So as to avoid such confliction between my emotion and actions =] Once I start to acquire such pessimistic thoughts of myself, it is merely possible for me to absorb anything at the moment =]

Okay enough about that =] It is my first ever huge project that I ever participate in =] Actually I was persuaded by Mr Alex to join in the cast members =] He spoke to me numerous of benefit and he encourages me a lot =] But even through all his persuation, everything lies within me after all =] If I don't wish to take part, there's nothing Mr Alex could do as he is not God =] I had lost many marvellous opportunity to develop myself in many ways =] Always end up rejecting or giving excuses to get away with it =[ So I wasted so many chances, now I will seize every opportunity given to me =] It is not about the training that counts, it is my attitude that counts =] It is the main talent we all had in ourselves =] The talent is waiting for us to develop them into our future life =] Mr Alex told me an interesting story, God gave everyone of us a coin(as in talent). So the first guy, made use of it and ending up with 10 coins and the second fellow earned 5 coins, the last guy was terrible, he instead of nurturing it, he burried into the garden of his own... In the end, he remains only one coin, so he blamed God who did not give him the talent he prayed for... It is like slapping the God's face back, He gave us already and is waiting for us to react to it =] This year supposed to be the year of REST ! =] Not rest from work but rest in work =] They are both two seperate meaning =] Well, you guys will know when you attend church services =] They are extremely meaningful =] The number 7 is a number of perfection =] If you guys think that I am trying to deceive you, count the number of days in a week, how many colours are there in a rainbow, etc. =] It is scientifically proven =] We learned that through physics =] Surprising wonders =] Well, all I have to do is be attentive as well as practice more often when I have the spare time =] Oh I forgotten something Mr Alex told me when I asked him something about talent =] He told me ''At the end of the Musical, your talent is determined by your attitude you have during rehearsals'' =] It was awesome ! Meaning to say no matter how professional you are, if you are lack of discipline or narrowed thinker, you will never go far ahead than those who are committed in accepting others opinions and criticises =] So it all depends on your attitude towards learning =] Not only applies in musical rehearsals or concert, studies are important too =] The way we gain our knowledge of that particular subject is cruxial =] Once we have doubts and hatreds of the teacher, it will be impossible for us to absorb =] So better be conscious about our mindset =] Let you and me work towards our dreams =] BELIEVE 2010 will be the most prosperous and trouble-free new year =] Not too late to make adjustments =] XD

Oh yeah, I will be representing Sembawang Secondary, I am in charge of bringing crowd to Believe Musical from my own school =] So hope you will come to support us =]

Basketball with my peers =] :

I played basketball with Chun Liang, Xiang Xiang, Soon Chuan, Jedrek, Si Kai, Kenny Ng, Edwin Foo, Li Wei, Nicholas and Chin Yong today =] Had a joyous afternoon =] Though exhausted but thrilling =]

I hardly able to grab hold of the ball and score into the net =[ It makes me feel so useless but... I refused to look at that angle, it is just too ridiculous =] In a team, there are no such happening =] Everyone gives contribution in some point =] I mentioned previously on my blog's post =] Other people can look down on you but you must stand up for yourself =] So choosing to stand up for myself will give better concept of myself =]

It same applies to everyone in this whole society =] No one is perfect, neither you nor I =] So you can't expect someone to be perfect when you are not far beyong it =] You know who I am refering to (This is for my classmates) XD Certain things are negotiable and some things are not =] Cherish what we have now and appreciate it more so we can achieve better in future =] Happiness in Hard times =] Really a marvellous book and Informative book =] What Mrs Smahon said today is completely reasonable =] What we hear or see is distorted =] Simply because we take rumours and gossips too seriously, creating more suspicion on them, doubts will lead to lack of trust in other people =] Everything has a link =] Our body are connected together =] If you perceive me in lying again, try straining your eyes =] Why we obtain a headache after that =] That defines that everything is connected =] Alright Enough of everything =] I am tired =]







I end off with a....... SMILE =]

A slight converstion =]

A conversation with Xiang Xiang :

Today after my CCA, I received a message from Jia hui and Lyn as they were asking me out to study in the library which made me shocked.... Well, my sentiments exactly, it turns out to be the controversy -.- Well, didn't expect that but at least done some of my mathematical sums =] It's the new beginning of the year, so meeting up with challenges is generally obvious =]

We left the library just an hour since I sat down and started solving my mathematical problem =[ Quite pathetic right ! Their persistence in studies are so limited -.- Well, never mind, it does not matter to me as they have their own reasons and excuses, it does matter to my precious 2010 time =] So we went to a foreign place named ''Fu Shan'', whatever the spelling as it it is new to me but not to them because they often hang around there for some sort of excitement =] I can't imagine myself playing Catching with one another -.- It's just like recalling my old image of me... Playful and making nuisance out of it =] Well, that was the past, work towards the future it's better =] Though it will be a permanent scar, but if with anticipating changes to my personality and characteristic, I believe the scar will recover =] Meaning to make it a positive tragic =] Being optimistic is yet to be tedious but manageable =] Always hearing others saying ''Be positive and don't be pessimism about our thoughts'' with ease ! Yes, true ! The resolution is HOW to become which make everyone giving up =] Like me, always believe the untruth then the realistic =] It's complicated =] Moreover, everyone hates people telling them how to react to certain problems =] It's interesting isn't it ? People go around telling how to live right where they are having a hard time trying to listen to others opinion of them =] Amazing =] Even me also get confuse!

Okay! Resuming my actual topic =] I was talking about Xiang and me chatting on the way back on the train =] We were communicating about our past studies and some private but not so =] I questioned him ''Do you speak with your family members ?'' He replied ''I do it often and especially my sister! Mostly ending up quarreling '' =] So he return my question. I was a little paralysis ''I don't have such exciting moments all the time but I do have doubts =]''. Not completely negative but there are some memorable time =] I always try remembering all the joyous time, it seems very complex thing to do.... This year I have many resolution apart from academics.... There are many inner setbacks that cause that to =] It's alright =] I made quite a good progress through a couple of years =] If not I will not be here telling my own personal historical moments -.-

I had many things to emphasise on but just find it complicated to say =]

I end off with a..... SMILE =]

My New sport =]

Something unbelievable had been twist into one of my favourite =] :

Cool today post seems to be similar like what our ''Beloved'' teacher, Mrs Smahon, had interpret to us yesterday and today =] Hahas XD At first, I didn't expect that basketball was within my reach but slowly, playing a few rounds, I began to develop my interest in that particular sport =] That sport train us to jump high and higher co-ordination required while playing...

Well, I must confirm something that, everything we do starts with listening =] Hey ! You guys know something attracting on television advertisement hahas Prudential and their slogan is ''Always listening and something which I could not remember'' =] I think I got it ''Always listening and understanding'' just a rough estimation of the slogan =] Seriously, I couldn't say it is entirely the same meaning as what our English teacher has taught as it neither any disaster about that nor something joyous had happened in the beginning hahas =] It is quite an unexpected thing that something I usually dislike had been a controversy feeling -.- I actually do have a motivation when I started playing basketball =] My standing broad jump normally doesn't exceed 200 cm -.- So hopefully jumping will make my thigh muscles fitter and firmer =] Hahas =] I admit that when I play I usually act a little sloppy as in slow in reaction and weak -.- Not the first time someone had inform me that, maybe, couple of times already... So if I don't change the way I am, no one else would ! Meaning if I don't change the way I performed, probably will not see any changes upon my previous general performance.... =] I read a book which had taught values of life =] Many common thoughts and feelings were expressed in the book which many people being pessimism with their emotion and mindset =] Once, we had the determination of anything, our mind will work towards it ultimately =]

I spoken to Soon Chuan that, I don't know, he was finding some complication in generating ideas for mother tongue homework which also drive me crazy when I was doing... Fortunately, I wasn't insane after that -.- Amen ! =] I told him ''Our mind does not understand the meaning of I don't know''. Looking at the author's perspective in the book, I was in a state of dilemma... Of course we do understand fully on what is I don't know, just that the mind will never get it =] You know what I meant ? =] Never mind if you don't =] As I am also quite devastated =] I will reconstruct it =] but the meaning remains the same =] It is like a mental movie playing in our mind, example we are in an absent of everything that entertains you so you were obliged to find something else to do, ''I don't know what to do'' you said with ease =] But instead of doing nothing, your mind will starting working for something to substitute with our monotony of excitement =] There, I made a new affirmation =] Read it a few times, you will get it soon =] My English aren't difficult to interpret =]

Okay okay =] Enough of explanations =] Enjoy =]

I signed off with a.... SMILE =]

My Doubts are over !

Fear that living inside me for a life time LONG :

Yesterday night, I made a terrible nightmare and causes me to toss and turn around the bed... This wasn't the first time I had nightmares that made me frightened to the point whereby I had to rise up from my bed, perspiring ! I aren't sure why my mind just couldn't relax... Everyone says I always look tenser than them... but I feel that I am not !! Though all this nightmares proven to me that it was caused by excessive use of my mind... No wonder it seems rather tough for me to post everytime I begin attempting to type =] Perhaps, it is because of my anxiety... Well, sharing to my dear readers as to give an relevant excuse why nowadays I seriously had some mental mermory blocked and somehow or rather it is still in my mind circulating but just can't recall at all ! It used to be that kind of stage whereby I couldn't even remember a single thing during a diagnostic test ! My mind went as blank as a clean sheet of paper... I slowly began to realised how it had affected me so much than I expected... I tend to calm down by watching some telly programs but it always end up having a sense of guilt inside me =[ Or I tend to focus and concentrate on whatever that was appearing on the screen of the television =[ Sadly, it became my habitual as in I just can't relax... Television programs creates a guilty feeling, or else it will force me to read the subtitles more often =] Despite my calmness never seems to rest in me but I had better yet to try to relax myself more often =[ It's either I overcome it or the fear living in me overtake my mindset... SO.... 2010 resolution to me is actually not exactly striving and soaring high for my grades, Inspite of whatever it takes, I am willing to commit myself relax =] It's a promised =] May God bless me XD Amen !!

All Doubts are Clearly revealed :

Hahas !! the first paragraph was not what my theme for today is about =] It is slightly related XD It's actually what I found out =]

So I will like to comprehend that all my new teachers are knowledgeable in his/her subject =] I failed to perceive them performing lousily in discipline issues hahas =] Specifically, I meant they have fullfilled my requirements =] How horrifying of me ! Judging the teachers without the teachers doubting me X.X It is for temperament only =] Hahas =] Preparing a long slip of recommendations and feedbacks =] AW! =] Although it is good to comment but have to go though the first procedure, which is politeness ! If I am not politeful enough, who would ever wants to take in my comments adn advices ! It is just logical =] Mankinds only listen when we are calm and polite, other situation, they usually will ignore or give a bad impression of that someone else XD Discovered I don't pinpoint anyone now ? As I realised no one is perfect, neither you nor I =] So who am I to judge people =] All of us aren't as superior as god =] Moreover He is the creator of the solar system =] I learned science chemistry =] They were explaining about atoms can't be located even with a microscope that magnifies 800 times but they still see nothing =] God is amazing =] He constructed the smallest matter in the whole universe =] Quite interesting =] Science stimulates and motivates us to use more of our imagination then any other subject =] Curiousity is a definitely a need if I want to become a scientist =] I used to have an ambition of becoming a famous scientist whom had notice some other thing =] After a long time, things changes from time to time XD Gradually I became more mature =] and so do everyone else =] Hahas =] whatever the case is, I love the way I am in now =] No regrets and no resentments =]

Description of my New Teachers :

Mrs Smahon, she's a very conscious teacher =] She does not want students to be in the state like her now =] So she would nurture us from what she had gone through =] some of my peers has a mindset with fraughts =[ So they will always never achieve what the unexpected was =] Hoping they will change and presevere more often, go forward and towards their ambition and desires XD May they rest assure they will succeed unless they willing to be optimistic XD Mr Foo, I have some inner feeling of him =] He is innovative =] There are certain parts which are censure XD It will offend the other party so better not to spread nonsensicals =] I believe that we should never judge a person by his look or his physical appearance =] The blinds and deafs have brighter life than those university graduated students =] Not a good reason to become like them =] They just showing us the possibility of surviving without hands, legs or mental disability ,etc. It shouldn't be the case whereby they can succeed but we are born with healthy body and illness-free and couldn't thrive for what we want =] In fact, it will be easier for us then them =] Work hard and rewards will be grand =] If you have a job, it is worth while to do it right =] Certain jobs I meant... Hahas that's about all =]



May God bless those who wish to succeed =] Amen !




I signed off with a..... SMILE =]

2010; My first Post

EXPLANATORY =] :

It's been quite a while since I didn't post any scripts =] Though I didn't post for a short term but still I was yearning something interest me to start writing again =] Well, there were plenty of things to share about =] Just the matter of me wanting to type =] Hahas =] You guys starting to sense my laziness =] It's alright =] Anyway I am guilty about it =] I felt that I had kept my words =[ As in the first ever day I created my blog, it was thrilling to post =] Now, things changes pretty fast =] Neither me nor you can help it =] Time just comes and goes away =] 2009, my most outstanding year ever ! =] I am so proud of myself despite my appearance and whatever genetics problems =.= I went to New Creation Christian church and they taught me many things that I had never heard or seen before =] Their values is meaningful =] God really love us and he take cares of us =]

There was once whereby they were interacting about appearance =] Rich people impress people who don't cares =] I have no doubt he is talking about me =] So I begin to make a change, instead of letting my appearance take over me, I shall take over my appearance =] I know how we all look are important but not as important as our self-judgement =] I watch a few episodes of ''Together;channel Eight, 9pm drama'' =] She spoken in mother tongue language =] I will do the translation =] ''Though everybody criticises you but you can't look down on yourself =]''. It is crucial =] Once you start giving up, you have high risk of falling off the cliff =] Hahas =]

2010 Brand New Experience for you and me =] :

I met my teachers and so far they are generally capable and reliable =] I just hope that they could explain and interpret well =] Mostly are new teachers =] Well, my Language teacher was pretty strict =] My mother tongue teacher is stimulative =] Oh yeah, promoted to 3A1, entirely new class =] It does not make any differences as in whether or not you are in which class =] We are learning the same topic and structure to strive in our examination =] I have some close friends together with me still ! I am grateful for that ! Thank God =] If not I will be discovering my challenges and adventures all alone =[ Pretty sulky feeling =[

Well, I promised whatever circumstances or set backs, I will never give up ! WE ARE NEVER BEATEN UNLESS WE QUIT ! =] I believe my future will bright =] Aiming to absorb as much knowledge as possible =] Whoever the teacher were, there's not an excuse for blaming them =]

I apologised as my post today will be short and simple =] Hope it do entertains you all =] Motivation to success is what I desire for =]

GOD BLESS YOU ALL !! I wish you all a PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR and a TROUBLE-FREE NEW YEAR !!

I sign off with a... SMILE =]