Realisation

I discovered something truthful about myself =] I only care for myself which is utterly selfish... I always put others after me =[ The law is totally controversial ... Is when I begin to express and show concern and love for others then they will be nice to me =]

There is practically no doubt that I was the one behind all my erroneous act ... Life is not so much about me only =[ It is about everyone, each and everyone of the entire globe =] I always thought to myself that Nobody will care about me or sympathy my feelings ... Which is also completely false =[ I just did not accept their care instead I am rejecting as I resent =[ All the while the universe seems to be signalling me by throwing pebbles at me =[ Whenever I opposed, it will increase in its size and effect =[ Probably when I was down for no reason, it was actually a sledgehammer that just struck my mind =[ If I perpetuate, a sizable boulder will land straight on my head that's when I am under condemnation =[

What I am saying here is that seeking happiness begins with me myself as a loner =] I have absolutely nothing but from there, step by step, maybe I start to resolve all my old and childish problems/Acts to attract attention =] The moment I gain confidence each time I succeeded =] I will be bold enough to step ahead to happiness !! =] I was just dreaming and wishing ...

What I need is acceptance =] I accept where I am - Position, physical appearance, knowledge, wisdom, etc. =] Acceptance may seem like a key to the next level =] Ya, it's true =] By the way, I taken all this from a book =] Lovely =] Happiness in a Nutshell =]

Oh yeah one more thing, jealousy =] A very provoking and irritating sense ... Those of you who experience should know =] It always starts from minor situation =] Small is big ... This phrase to me is important =] It will lead me on further =] I got them from Nanotechnology =] Interesting subject to talk about =]

Never mind =] Enough about my desires =] Come to think about it =] I have probably pursuing Science courses as my choice =] It is very much matching with my current curiosity about things =] Any scientific terms, I am ready to research about it =] I will get too engross over it and every I go, I will see them =] That's how I memorise things =] Especially science =] Hearing people speaking or discussing about it =] hahas =]

I met Xiang today =] That's my greatest realisation !! We were out and were playing table tennis together =] While we were playing, a topic came right into my head =] So I started sharing it =] Which is life ! =] He told me many things he did in China =] One of the village near the coast area =] He told me how terrible it is when it is during winter season whereby it is chilling and will get a frostbite ._. The education there is very limited =[ Expensive too =[ No additional resources given =[ No allowance =[ Practically nothing but he himself and his kins or friends =] Retrospection, I had so many things within reach =] I had a personal computer and laptop , I have allowance just right for the entire week , I got my own room, my house is filled with furniture, I have Healthy paternal grandparents, still alive maternal grandparents, Wonderful parents, I got a bed to sleep on, I have a printer, an arc mouse, almost everything I need =[ Yet ! I still complain about this and that =[ This is the part where by I am apologising to all my peers or whoever whom I had groused on =[ Especially to my parents and closer ones =[ Sorry for my insensibility and immature act =[ I will change my thoughts =]

Thank God for everything =] I received more than enough =] It is overflowing the abundance of grace from GOD =] Amen !! Maybe I need to change my thinking towards anything I seen or heard from =] Praise God today rehearsal, there was almost zero comment about my performance =] Which I doubt so but I just accept it =]

Maturity is an essential part of life =] Which is something I need to develop it slowly =] There will not be instantaneous results but it will gradually turns into daily routine =]






I will sign off here =]


I end off with a ....... SMILE =]