I was uncertain about it actually =[ Most of the time, I often got into troubles when interacting with someone =[ Tragic are bound to happen to me =[ I felt that why must be me =[ Am I supposed to learn something ? Probably ? I am unsure =[
All this recent occurrence , left me into deep sorrow =[ I hope that I will not suffer from depression =[ God bless =] Amen =[ Whenever, someone turned his tail to me =[ This unexplainable thoughts appear =[ I tend to remember every bits and pieces of bitter, painful and hurting events =[ Not blaming anyone here =[ So don't get flare up or else I will rebuke !
I am a extreme polarise person, mostly to the pessimism side =[ I really had great desire for all this to end once and for all =[ I failed through many attempts of trying to get rid of it =[ Am I supposed to learn a lesson and so as to teach me about life ? Maybe =[ If it is that so, then I have no comments =[
I don't want to ask ''why me questions'' as it is awfully erroneous thought to have =[ Everybody will hate the hell out of me if I start to ask that question =[ Especially people closest to me =[ I have great fear that I might lose someone eventually =[
Numerous nightmares could be the evidence for that =[ Can anyone, console me =[ ? Or else I had to do it on my own =[ I think God wants me to have a backbone and stand on my own feet =[ Over dependence will cause me to be lazy =[ Over convenience is not worth my becoming ignorant =[ I think everything is a skill =] Some which require time to set in and make amendments accordingly =]
As I am typing out =] I feel more relieved =] Felt the torture and painstaking feeling left my soul =] Some brilliant light is shining inside me =] Am grateful for that =] Whenever some thing turns sour, I will weep =[ Quite a sissy action =] But after I wept, I feel much better =] Cry out my bitterness rather than keeping inside until one day it overcomes you =] take over your entire body =] Next moment, you killed someone without even knowing you did it ... Very dangerous so therefore take earlier signs of it =] quickly adjust before it turns permanent =]
Thank you Lord =] My everlasting healer and forgiver =] Your grace had touched me =] your almighty hands brings me closer to success XD Amen =] Tomorrow will be a great day =]
Love today and more tomorrow =]
I end off with a........ SMILE =]
After Believe the musical ends...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I was pretty missing =[ It is memorable XD All the happy and crazy moments we had =] Although many things had happened during the period of rehearsals, still it is thrilling and enriching =] Never thought I could performed well without having me being nervous on the stage =] In fact, I was enjoying each scenes that just come and goes =] I would rather be on the stage then backstage as I felt more nervous -.- Never mind =] Glad that it is over =] I had time to re-focus on what my future plannings might be =] Back then, the progress of the musical left me negligible amount of time to complete my assignments and the next moment it is another day =[ It was rather scary ,especially when mid year examinations are drawing so close !! Yet, I still turned up for rehearsals =] I scored among the top three =] I am proud of myself =] Thank God for his wisdom =] Able to concentrate well during the progress of the examinations =]
Speaking about the amount of challenges I went through =] It was rather challenging for me to cope with my emotions, homeworks, rehearsals and rest time =] Fortunately, I am sought of a fast learner =] Able to absorb quick enough to understand the context of the topic =] There were ups and downs =] Not completely ups as many things actually did happen that I was not expecting for it =] Some times, I criticise myself =[ But later on, I realised that I was insane =] Thank for the social books I read that gave me confidence to confront people whom I am afraid of approaching =] A little discovery of my own growth that I had somewhat changed my attitude towards anything =] I am enthusiastic in learning new stuff, the tougher the more exciting it turn up to be =] It is great achievement I had made so far =] Most importantly, I had done my parents proud =] Not crowing here -.- Just to give thanks to God who is behind all this successes =] Exult God and it will multiply =] Thanks to Mr Alex who had nurtured me =]
I am glad and contented that there are people out there watching me =] The moment I break lose of that chain with them, that's the end of me =[ As nobody bother about me =[ Actually, everyhing is always some thing to do with your mentality =] What you think is what you get =] It can be benefitting or devastating =] There is a choice =] I have to learn to be truthful to myself =] Acceptance is power =] I will always remember that =]
Term Three started out well =] I was transferred to another class for mother tongue lesson =] I not sure whether it will be helpful or erroneous to me =] Generally, that class is just full of complains and arguing .______.ll Not sure how long can the mother tongue teacher withstand those sparking remarks ._. I find them ignorant and annoying... Seriously, no self-control, discipline not only to the teacher but towards themselves -.- Lousy attitude .__.ll God Bless them -.-
Apart from that, pur history teacher also changed into a monotonuous teacher -.- He is short-tempered, impatient and lazy .___.ll What kind of teacher is he -.- Probably not worth my respect for him -.- Had him for social studies period ._. Crap ! totally ruined my interest for Social studies =.= Not sure what is happenning to the school system -.- quite retarded actually =] Expelling all the experienced teachers and hiring new ones -- No idea or how to motivate the students =] The school reputation is going to be down flat sooner or later ._. The language teachers are far from what I expected them to be -.-
Never mind, Enoguh of all this nonsense. Grab the certificate and leave =] Never return XD
HAHAHAHAHAS !!!
Having a gathering for cast party this saturday and attending birthday parties at my friend's place =] COOL! =] After this month =] Going for a holiday to GENTING =] Somewhere new and cooling =] Thank God for that =] Loving every moment I have with my friends =] Appreciating whatever that is within my reach =]
All the mendings and healings were the cause of God 's grace =] Thank you LORD =] I am beginning to see light after so crawling through a dark tunnel =] This experienced impacted me greatly =] Never forget about this experienced =] Maybe I should use the strong determination of mine and prioritise on my work =] That way, I can captivate myself =]
Just believe, like I believe in myself =]
I end of with a... SMILE =]
Speaking about the amount of challenges I went through =] It was rather challenging for me to cope with my emotions, homeworks, rehearsals and rest time =] Fortunately, I am sought of a fast learner =] Able to absorb quick enough to understand the context of the topic =] There were ups and downs =] Not completely ups as many things actually did happen that I was not expecting for it =] Some times, I criticise myself =[ But later on, I realised that I was insane =] Thank for the social books I read that gave me confidence to confront people whom I am afraid of approaching =] A little discovery of my own growth that I had somewhat changed my attitude towards anything =] I am enthusiastic in learning new stuff, the tougher the more exciting it turn up to be =] It is great achievement I had made so far =] Most importantly, I had done my parents proud =] Not crowing here -.- Just to give thanks to God who is behind all this successes =] Exult God and it will multiply =] Thanks to Mr Alex who had nurtured me =]
I am glad and contented that there are people out there watching me =] The moment I break lose of that chain with them, that's the end of me =[ As nobody bother about me =[ Actually, everyhing is always some thing to do with your mentality =] What you think is what you get =] It can be benefitting or devastating =] There is a choice =] I have to learn to be truthful to myself =] Acceptance is power =] I will always remember that =]
Term Three started out well =] I was transferred to another class for mother tongue lesson =] I not sure whether it will be helpful or erroneous to me =] Generally, that class is just full of complains and arguing .______.ll Not sure how long can the mother tongue teacher withstand those sparking remarks ._. I find them ignorant and annoying... Seriously, no self-control, discipline not only to the teacher but towards themselves -.- Lousy attitude .__.ll God Bless them -.-
Apart from that, pur history teacher also changed into a monotonuous teacher -.- He is short-tempered, impatient and lazy .___.ll What kind of teacher is he -.- Probably not worth my respect for him -.- Had him for social studies period ._. Crap ! totally ruined my interest for Social studies =.= Not sure what is happenning to the school system -.- quite retarded actually =] Expelling all the experienced teachers and hiring new ones -- No idea or how to motivate the students =] The school reputation is going to be down flat sooner or later ._. The language teachers are far from what I expected them to be -.-
Never mind, Enoguh of all this nonsense. Grab the certificate and leave =] Never return XD
HAHAHAHAHAS !!!
Having a gathering for cast party this saturday and attending birthday parties at my friend's place =] COOL! =] After this month =] Going for a holiday to GENTING =] Somewhere new and cooling =] Thank God for that =] Loving every moment I have with my friends =] Appreciating whatever that is within my reach =]
All the mendings and healings were the cause of God 's grace =] Thank you LORD =] I am beginning to see light after so crawling through a dark tunnel =] This experienced impacted me greatly =] Never forget about this experienced =] Maybe I should use the strong determination of mine and prioritise on my work =] That way, I can captivate myself =]
Just believe, like I believe in myself =]
I end of with a... SMILE =]
Realisation
Saturday, July 3, 2010
I discovered something truthful about myself =] I only care for myself which is utterly selfish... I always put others after me =[ The law is totally controversial ... Is when I begin to express and show concern and love for others then they will be nice to me =]
There is practically no doubt that I was the one behind all my erroneous act ... Life is not so much about me only =[ It is about everyone, each and everyone of the entire globe =] I always thought to myself that Nobody will care about me or sympathy my feelings ... Which is also completely false =[ I just did not accept their care instead I am rejecting as I resent =[ All the while the universe seems to be signalling me by throwing pebbles at me =[ Whenever I opposed, it will increase in its size and effect =[ Probably when I was down for no reason, it was actually a sledgehammer that just struck my mind =[ If I perpetuate, a sizable boulder will land straight on my head that's when I am under condemnation =[
What I am saying here is that seeking happiness begins with me myself as a loner =] I have absolutely nothing but from there, step by step, maybe I start to resolve all my old and childish problems/Acts to attract attention =] The moment I gain confidence each time I succeeded =] I will be bold enough to step ahead to happiness !! =] I was just dreaming and wishing ...
What I need is acceptance =] I accept where I am - Position, physical appearance, knowledge, wisdom, etc. =] Acceptance may seem like a key to the next level =] Ya, it's true =] By the way, I taken all this from a book =] Lovely =] Happiness in a Nutshell =]
Oh yeah one more thing, jealousy =] A very provoking and irritating sense ... Those of you who experience should know =] It always starts from minor situation =] Small is big ... This phrase to me is important =] It will lead me on further =] I got them from Nanotechnology =] Interesting subject to talk about =]
Never mind =] Enough about my desires =] Come to think about it =] I have probably pursuing Science courses as my choice =] It is very much matching with my current curiosity about things =] Any scientific terms, I am ready to research about it =] I will get too engross over it and every I go, I will see them =] That's how I memorise things =] Especially science =] Hearing people speaking or discussing about it =] hahas =]
I met Xiang today =] That's my greatest realisation !! We were out and were playing table tennis together =] While we were playing, a topic came right into my head =] So I started sharing it =] Which is life ! =] He told me many things he did in China =] One of the village near the coast area =] He told me how terrible it is when it is during winter season whereby it is chilling and will get a frostbite ._. The education there is very limited =[ Expensive too =[ No additional resources given =[ No allowance =[ Practically nothing but he himself and his kins or friends =] Retrospection, I had so many things within reach =] I had a personal computer and laptop , I have allowance just right for the entire week , I got my own room, my house is filled with furniture, I have Healthy paternal grandparents, still alive maternal grandparents, Wonderful parents, I got a bed to sleep on, I have a printer, an arc mouse, almost everything I need =[ Yet ! I still complain about this and that =[ This is the part where by I am apologising to all my peers or whoever whom I had groused on =[ Especially to my parents and closer ones =[ Sorry for my insensibility and immature act =[ I will change my thoughts =]
Thank God for everything =] I received more than enough =] It is overflowing the abundance of grace from GOD =] Amen !! Maybe I need to change my thinking towards anything I seen or heard from =] Praise God today rehearsal, there was almost zero comment about my performance =] Which I doubt so but I just accept it =]
Maturity is an essential part of life =] Which is something I need to develop it slowly =] There will not be instantaneous results but it will gradually turns into daily routine =]
I will sign off here =]
I end off with a ....... SMILE =]
There is practically no doubt that I was the one behind all my erroneous act ... Life is not so much about me only =[ It is about everyone, each and everyone of the entire globe =] I always thought to myself that Nobody will care about me or sympathy my feelings ... Which is also completely false =[ I just did not accept their care instead I am rejecting as I resent =[ All the while the universe seems to be signalling me by throwing pebbles at me =[ Whenever I opposed, it will increase in its size and effect =[ Probably when I was down for no reason, it was actually a sledgehammer that just struck my mind =[ If I perpetuate, a sizable boulder will land straight on my head that's when I am under condemnation =[
What I am saying here is that seeking happiness begins with me myself as a loner =] I have absolutely nothing but from there, step by step, maybe I start to resolve all my old and childish problems/Acts to attract attention =] The moment I gain confidence each time I succeeded =] I will be bold enough to step ahead to happiness !! =] I was just dreaming and wishing ...
What I need is acceptance =] I accept where I am - Position, physical appearance, knowledge, wisdom, etc. =] Acceptance may seem like a key to the next level =] Ya, it's true =] By the way, I taken all this from a book =] Lovely =] Happiness in a Nutshell =]
Oh yeah one more thing, jealousy =] A very provoking and irritating sense ... Those of you who experience should know =] It always starts from minor situation =] Small is big ... This phrase to me is important =] It will lead me on further =] I got them from Nanotechnology =] Interesting subject to talk about =]
Never mind =] Enough about my desires =] Come to think about it =] I have probably pursuing Science courses as my choice =] It is very much matching with my current curiosity about things =] Any scientific terms, I am ready to research about it =] I will get too engross over it and every I go, I will see them =] That's how I memorise things =] Especially science =] Hearing people speaking or discussing about it =] hahas =]
I met Xiang today =] That's my greatest realisation !! We were out and were playing table tennis together =] While we were playing, a topic came right into my head =] So I started sharing it =] Which is life ! =] He told me many things he did in China =] One of the village near the coast area =] He told me how terrible it is when it is during winter season whereby it is chilling and will get a frostbite ._. The education there is very limited =[ Expensive too =[ No additional resources given =[ No allowance =[ Practically nothing but he himself and his kins or friends =] Retrospection, I had so many things within reach =] I had a personal computer and laptop , I have allowance just right for the entire week , I got my own room, my house is filled with furniture, I have Healthy paternal grandparents, still alive maternal grandparents, Wonderful parents, I got a bed to sleep on, I have a printer, an arc mouse, almost everything I need =[ Yet ! I still complain about this and that =[ This is the part where by I am apologising to all my peers or whoever whom I had groused on =[ Especially to my parents and closer ones =[ Sorry for my insensibility and immature act =[ I will change my thoughts =]
Thank God for everything =] I received more than enough =] It is overflowing the abundance of grace from GOD =] Amen !! Maybe I need to change my thinking towards anything I seen or heard from =] Praise God today rehearsal, there was almost zero comment about my performance =] Which I doubt so but I just accept it =]
Maturity is an essential part of life =] Which is something I need to develop it slowly =] There will not be instantaneous results but it will gradually turns into daily routine =]
I will sign off here =]
I end off with a ....... SMILE =]
I feel the togetherness !!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Today is the day I finally found a slightly closer bonding with the Gang members =] Cool =] Means I had got rid of some fear inside me =] As you know I am a timid person ! =] Thank God =] Praise him =]
At least, I am not alienated any more =] I don't want to be who I am any more =] Sounds like the lyrics !! =] Any way you can buy tickets through me =] you will get a 10% discount for every ticket, specifically for students =] *I know I am typing to myself* =] Hahas =] Whatever !!
I am mood shifter ! =] I found a good solution to enhance my focusing and concentration skill =] Just ignore those who I don't really wish to talk to =] Mainly, closer to me =] It is complicated lah ! =] Never mind =]
Material science course is over =[ Ended so soon =[ Miss Mr Andy a lot =] One of the better lecturer in RP =] Although his ranking is not at there, he is able to perform well and carry on =] Humorous person =] He emphasised on socialising with people a lot =] He kept re-arranging our group so I managed to make some new friends from the express stream =] Good move =] I am pretty active although feeling lethargic =[ Insufficient sleep =] Hahas !! God bless him =] Amen !
I really need to make a gentle reminder to myself not to criticise myself =] I really hate suffering under condemnation =[ It is quite inevitable that is why I need God to guide me =] My life is getting livelier and *higher* =] I mingled with quite a few people who had been my fear to approach =] I broke through it finally =] Open up my 14 years of complete sealed mouth =] I feel more satisfied =] I fulfill some challenges =] YEAH MAN ! =]
Life is marvellous =] I get to see the magnificent kaleidoscope sky or nature =] It is very thrilling =] For the reason, I am enthusiastic about all this =] I tend to express myself out more =]
I still finding someone who is interested and enthusiastic like me =] My dream and Goal in my life =] I definitely will meet that person =] Female or male does not matter =] I don't have such friends still =[ NONE ! ZERO ! All have different views and ambition =[ Go ahead with your whatever =] XD THere is still so many more milestones =] Patience =]
EVERYDAY IS GOING TO BE A EXCITING DAY =] TO LEARN !
Don't be offended =] Go on with whatever you yearn for =]
I end off with a.... SMILE =]
At least, I am not alienated any more =] I don't want to be who I am any more =] Sounds like the lyrics !! =] Any way you can buy tickets through me =] you will get a 10% discount for every ticket, specifically for students =] *I know I am typing to myself* =] Hahas =] Whatever !!
I am mood shifter ! =] I found a good solution to enhance my focusing and concentration skill =] Just ignore those who I don't really wish to talk to =] Mainly, closer to me =] It is complicated lah ! =] Never mind =]
Material science course is over =[ Ended so soon =[ Miss Mr Andy a lot =] One of the better lecturer in RP =] Although his ranking is not at there, he is able to perform well and carry on =] Humorous person =] He emphasised on socialising with people a lot =] He kept re-arranging our group so I managed to make some new friends from the express stream =] Good move =] I am pretty active although feeling lethargic =[ Insufficient sleep =] Hahas !! God bless him =] Amen !
I really need to make a gentle reminder to myself not to criticise myself =] I really hate suffering under condemnation =[ It is quite inevitable that is why I need God to guide me =] My life is getting livelier and *higher* =] I mingled with quite a few people who had been my fear to approach =] I broke through it finally =] Open up my 14 years of complete sealed mouth =] I feel more satisfied =] I fulfill some challenges =] YEAH MAN ! =]
Life is marvellous =] I get to see the magnificent kaleidoscope sky or nature =] It is very thrilling =] For the reason, I am enthusiastic about all this =] I tend to express myself out more =]
I still finding someone who is interested and enthusiastic like me =] My dream and Goal in my life =] I definitely will meet that person =] Female or male does not matter =] I don't have such friends still =[ NONE ! ZERO ! All have different views and ambition =[ Go ahead with your whatever =] XD THere is still so many more milestones =] Patience =]
EVERYDAY IS GOING TO BE A EXCITING DAY =] TO LEARN !
Don't be offended =] Go on with whatever you yearn for =]
I end off with a.... SMILE =]
Lonely ? Does it bothers ?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
For me, I am quite an EMO person... Generally not favourable to the others =] Hahas but never mind, hope it will get better after some time =] Amen !
Well, I am quite a demanding person =[ For instance, I expect people to treat me well ! I know it is impossible if I do not even take the first step to treat people nicely at first =[ Guess that is me !
I talked to Yu lun during our break time in Republic Polytechnic- I am having a 5-day course work (Material Science) =] Yu lun and I actually have quite similar characteristic =] I promised not to leak the message so I shall not =] By the way, that is the best way to maintain trust in one another =] At least for me =]
I loved my lecturer =] He is quite a decent looking guy =] He is very knowledgeable in his own particular subject and mathematics too =] Maybe I should learn to speak like him =] Mr Andy =] A brilliant teacher =] He taught us efficiently =] He even helped me in my assignments ; mainly science and mathematics =] I am thankful and grateful for his time spend to help me solve the problems =] *Especially during his break time* =] He is a sympathetic person =] He has deep feelings for those special category type of people which needs extra attention and care =]
Milfirt who is in our group often been despised and asked to shut his mouth up whenever he tries to inquire something ._. Mr Andy gave a stern look at the class .... There was moment of seriousness ! Quite scary -.- After the class ended, Milfirt bolted out of the class and Mr andy stopped us from leaving the room ... He talked to us about special people =] Like I mentioned earlier he is a sympathetic person so he gave us more scenario of the cruelty being displayed by humans ... His tone increased as he speaks further =] HE is very careful with himself as he can control his anger and frustration quite well =]
This teacher has quite a unique type of personality =] He looks quite like a drama actor =] Good looking guy =] Bright career =] He always ask me if I had any problems with my maths or science... Since the first day I stepped into the class =] Cool ! From what I see, seldom there is such teachers around =]
I am out of my main topic here ! -.- Distracted =] Sudden thoughts of mine =] I feel great when I praise other people but myself ! lol =]
Back to my main theme =] I mean I have this extremely weird jealousy of people that is very close to me ! IT has been haunting me all day long =[ I prayed to God to cleanse me and it is working but somehow it is still in my mind =[ What did I do to avoid such situation ? I just avoid that person and not communicating to him/her... I find more happiness when I am not with anyone close to me =] IT causes me not to think about that person =]
During the process of rehearsal, I am quite alone =] Not blaming them but myself =] Hahas Mostly, I will just go home if I have the chance to =] The strongest weakness I had with my closer friends is that interest ! I love astronomy and everything that associates with science or nature, while the other person likes IT and design -.- Two different types ! Difficult for me =[ Therefore, lack of interest =] See the linking and connection problem ? =[ Never mind about that =]
I guess I will end off here =] I better not carry on or else I will be sued for insulting and critising IT lovers =] Seriously no offend, just an example =] Go ahead and love your IT while I enjoy the nature =] Tomorrow, tt will be a marvellous and thrilling day =] Amen ! Amen ! =] I should care for myself more instead of caring about others =] Selfish but I have no other choice =]
I will end off with a........ SMILE =]
Well, I am quite a demanding person =[ For instance, I expect people to treat me well ! I know it is impossible if I do not even take the first step to treat people nicely at first =[ Guess that is me !
I talked to Yu lun during our break time in Republic Polytechnic- I am having a 5-day course work (Material Science) =] Yu lun and I actually have quite similar characteristic =] I promised not to leak the message so I shall not =] By the way, that is the best way to maintain trust in one another =] At least for me =]
I loved my lecturer =] He is quite a decent looking guy =] He is very knowledgeable in his own particular subject and mathematics too =] Maybe I should learn to speak like him =] Mr Andy =] A brilliant teacher =] He taught us efficiently =] He even helped me in my assignments ; mainly science and mathematics =] I am thankful and grateful for his time spend to help me solve the problems =] *Especially during his break time* =] He is a sympathetic person =] He has deep feelings for those special category type of people which needs extra attention and care =]
Milfirt who is in our group often been despised and asked to shut his mouth up whenever he tries to inquire something ._. Mr Andy gave a stern look at the class .... There was moment of seriousness ! Quite scary -.- After the class ended, Milfirt bolted out of the class and Mr andy stopped us from leaving the room ... He talked to us about special people =] Like I mentioned earlier he is a sympathetic person so he gave us more scenario of the cruelty being displayed by humans ... His tone increased as he speaks further =] HE is very careful with himself as he can control his anger and frustration quite well =]
This teacher has quite a unique type of personality =] He looks quite like a drama actor =] Good looking guy =] Bright career =] He always ask me if I had any problems with my maths or science... Since the first day I stepped into the class =] Cool ! From what I see, seldom there is such teachers around =]
I am out of my main topic here ! -.- Distracted =] Sudden thoughts of mine =] I feel great when I praise other people but myself ! lol =]
Back to my main theme =] I mean I have this extremely weird jealousy of people that is very close to me ! IT has been haunting me all day long =[ I prayed to God to cleanse me and it is working but somehow it is still in my mind =[ What did I do to avoid such situation ? I just avoid that person and not communicating to him/her... I find more happiness when I am not with anyone close to me =] IT causes me not to think about that person =]
During the process of rehearsal, I am quite alone =] Not blaming them but myself =] Hahas Mostly, I will just go home if I have the chance to =] The strongest weakness I had with my closer friends is that interest ! I love astronomy and everything that associates with science or nature, while the other person likes IT and design -.- Two different types ! Difficult for me =[ Therefore, lack of interest =] See the linking and connection problem ? =[ Never mind about that =]
I guess I will end off here =] I better not carry on or else I will be sued for insulting and critising IT lovers =] Seriously no offend, just an example =] Go ahead and love your IT while I enjoy the nature =] Tomorrow, tt will be a marvellous and thrilling day =] Amen ! Amen ! =] I should care for myself more instead of caring about others =] Selfish but I have no other choice =]
I will end off with a........ SMILE =]
Adult Empire
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Today went for a late Mother's Day celebration =] Nevertheless, I had a great time with them =] I was able to understand my parents more and relate to them .... I discovered that I had numerous of disagreement and objections towards their statement... I realised it was might be the gap interval between us was ultimately long =[ We were chatting about Christianity, I refused to say anything about my religion or should I say relation with God ? =]
Majority of my relatives and kins are all Buddhist ... I find difficult to understand explain... They told me to feel free to speak ! Okay so I continued and insisted a long ! Never mind, we dropped the subject after a while -.- THe longer it drags, it became seemingly complicated, I did not want a happy dinner to be a devastating one ....
Next they asked about me, generally what I am thinking about ! My head was blank for a moment, then started pondering =] Follow on, they questioned me, how do I deal with it ? The question they ask has never occurred to me ! I was wondering so much thing had happened... Without fail, everything that I spotted were not pleasant ones ! Usually are those guilt and jealousy !
Well, I had stopped being a atrocious person... Living my life blindly as I move on ! Retrospecting, I had lots of evidence to prove that I am found guilty of.... Countless ! My mum was worried so told me not to think so much ! I was frustrated but kept cool, so replied to her that some things I need to think more about it ! IT really concerns my future .... Who is going feed me ?
Okay lah, She told me to release all my grudges ! I had already set them free the yesterday =] A New beginning of me =] Some thing strange about my parents is that they dislike me being over grown ! Their opinion including my Aunt's were that live the Teenage life like normal teenagers do ! WOW ! Fantastic is not it ? Interesting background !
I know what they are trying to signal me but planning really needs to start now ! I am 14 going to 15 this year ! Nobody except God will help me ! Never anyone ! So far.... Minor , YEs ! Major , no ! Not neglecting previous year, one did =] He changed my entire life upside down =] I felt that he is the one who can show me what life brings ! Now ?! Forget it, everyone is busy ! Not comparing here, not complaining ! It jsut feel not upright !
This year, I am all a lone ! Deal with my own disasters ! Everytime it felt like a pebble been thrown at me ... MY Aunt shared with me an interesting theory =] She pointed out to the cup XD She continued, '' If we hold the cup for a few moment, It does not feel heavy at all. After 12 hours, the weight of the cup will be there ! '' She told me why not let go your inner complexity ! Just like letting go the cup =] It is tough for me ! I am quite stubborn at certain times !
Now looking at my progress ! I had succeeded a little =] Promoting from NT to NA ! Getting all my work and assignments done =] Able to write a long full written english text ! It takes time ! Today I am able to sit here typing out all this with conciousness ! A little la ! Not many ! Hahas ! Never mind ! Who gives a damn ! I am the reader and author ! Nobody else except me XD
Adults are very strange and unique personality.... Some hope their sons and daughters to be mature and think steadfastly with logical sense, some giving freedom .... My parents don't expect much of me but I have expectation of myself ! Quite high =] Fulfilling it is my duty and my goal XD I will rejoice whenever I achieve it ! Not stopping there, I persist =] Some things I did not think so much ! I am careful here ! Not everything I had persisted ! I want to change it around ! I want it to be appear in everything ! =] Nothing more nothing less =]
Encountering Adults' mind is extremely tedious ! Sad that my parents think that I am thinking too much for my future ! Haiz ! I will just continue leading myself to a better and righteous life =] That's the wat I should be =] Optimistic person =] Believe in God, He is almighty ! Praise him forgiving me life and such a wonderful mind =]
I will stop here,
Gerwin
I end off with a SMILE =]
Majority of my relatives and kins are all Buddhist ... I find difficult to understand explain... They told me to feel free to speak ! Okay so I continued and insisted a long ! Never mind, we dropped the subject after a while -.- THe longer it drags, it became seemingly complicated, I did not want a happy dinner to be a devastating one ....
Next they asked about me, generally what I am thinking about ! My head was blank for a moment, then started pondering =] Follow on, they questioned me, how do I deal with it ? The question they ask has never occurred to me ! I was wondering so much thing had happened... Without fail, everything that I spotted were not pleasant ones ! Usually are those guilt and jealousy !
Well, I had stopped being a atrocious person... Living my life blindly as I move on ! Retrospecting, I had lots of evidence to prove that I am found guilty of.... Countless ! My mum was worried so told me not to think so much ! I was frustrated but kept cool, so replied to her that some things I need to think more about it ! IT really concerns my future .... Who is going feed me ?
Okay lah, She told me to release all my grudges ! I had already set them free the yesterday =] A New beginning of me =] Some thing strange about my parents is that they dislike me being over grown ! Their opinion including my Aunt's were that live the Teenage life like normal teenagers do ! WOW ! Fantastic is not it ? Interesting background !
I know what they are trying to signal me but planning really needs to start now ! I am 14 going to 15 this year ! Nobody except God will help me ! Never anyone ! So far.... Minor , YEs ! Major , no ! Not neglecting previous year, one did =] He changed my entire life upside down =] I felt that he is the one who can show me what life brings ! Now ?! Forget it, everyone is busy ! Not comparing here, not complaining ! It jsut feel not upright !
This year, I am all a lone ! Deal with my own disasters ! Everytime it felt like a pebble been thrown at me ... MY Aunt shared with me an interesting theory =] She pointed out to the cup XD She continued, '' If we hold the cup for a few moment, It does not feel heavy at all. After 12 hours, the weight of the cup will be there ! '' She told me why not let go your inner complexity ! Just like letting go the cup =] It is tough for me ! I am quite stubborn at certain times !
Now looking at my progress ! I had succeeded a little =] Promoting from NT to NA ! Getting all my work and assignments done =] Able to write a long full written english text ! It takes time ! Today I am able to sit here typing out all this with conciousness ! A little la ! Not many ! Hahas ! Never mind ! Who gives a damn ! I am the reader and author ! Nobody else except me XD
Adults are very strange and unique personality.... Some hope their sons and daughters to be mature and think steadfastly with logical sense, some giving freedom .... My parents don't expect much of me but I have expectation of myself ! Quite high =] Fulfilling it is my duty and my goal XD I will rejoice whenever I achieve it ! Not stopping there, I persist =] Some things I did not think so much ! I am careful here ! Not everything I had persisted ! I want to change it around ! I want it to be appear in everything ! =] Nothing more nothing less =]
Encountering Adults' mind is extremely tedious ! Sad that my parents think that I am thinking too much for my future ! Haiz ! I will just continue leading myself to a better and righteous life =] That's the wat I should be =] Optimistic person =] Believe in God, He is almighty ! Praise him forgiving me life and such a wonderful mind =]
I will stop here,
Gerwin
I end off with a SMILE =]
A New Beginning
Friday, May 14, 2010
I slowly discovering what really held me back in my past 14 years and Five months... All the while, I had been lying to myself and gave up so many opportunities to nurture myself =[ I will not blame my parents or anyone ! I blame myself for all this lawless deeds... I did not have any limitations at all ! Online gaming seemed to me as my daily routine ! Whatever the games are, it's still a form of virtual image ! Those usually procrastinates all my work !
I had been lazy and refused to accept people advice ! Yes, some went deep into my thoughts but mostly were ignored or not giving two hoots about it ! Books, movies or any other form of communication, shown or told me to be optimistic ! Hahas, some of which did exist in my daily life now ! Those mental strength and inner emotional control =]
Seriously, I did find it tough at the start but as it moves along the milestones I had embark... It gradually became enlighten =] EVERYTHING requires time and effort =] Minor or major not important as long as I BELIEVE I can, it will be =] In Jesus name =] Amen !
I have my dignity and pride for myself =] I vow today will be the mark of my journey to become a successful person in life =] Brilliant is it ? When you start praising yourself more, you feel the evil intensity automatically leave your soul =]
My point of view is that no matter whatever the problems or setbacks are, I should not have let it go ! As in give up =[ Nobody can help me including God if I don't help myself ! =] Mind is a powerful tool that can either generate disastrous and devastating results or benefiting and joyous results =] My mind is within my control =]
I am going to be from nobody to a somebody =] Nothing shall stop me or refrain me from achieving that ! I certainly worth more than any of you guys think ! I will not torture myself anymore ! I will love myself to the degree that I will surpass all my love for anyone I had in my life ! Simply, no one do not care if I live or die or suffer =]
This is my first fucking ever time, typing and meaning my words or text ! I am solemnly changing... It is unbearable and painful.... I can't watch my life pass by ! In the end, I gain nothing and I will appreciate nothing, absolutely zero !
I don't give a freaking damn thing anyone going to boast about ! Go ahead and crow ! I am too obstinate to believe that I am not far away from anyone ! I can make it ! =]
My past post are just illusions and imaginations I had ! =] A new Beginning will mark all my words ! =]
I will stop going online gaming ! I will find meaningful and productive work that will cause my mind to process ! =] I will start training myself, shift my emotions constantly in specific areas =] IF I had nothing good to say, I will just shut my fucking mouth up ! =] I promised !
All this things I pray in Jesus name. Amen! Hallelujah !
I end of with a BROAD SMILE =]
I had been lazy and refused to accept people advice ! Yes, some went deep into my thoughts but mostly were ignored or not giving two hoots about it ! Books, movies or any other form of communication, shown or told me to be optimistic ! Hahas, some of which did exist in my daily life now ! Those mental strength and inner emotional control =]
Seriously, I did find it tough at the start but as it moves along the milestones I had embark... It gradually became enlighten =] EVERYTHING requires time and effort =] Minor or major not important as long as I BELIEVE I can, it will be =] In Jesus name =] Amen !
I have my dignity and pride for myself =] I vow today will be the mark of my journey to become a successful person in life =] Brilliant is it ? When you start praising yourself more, you feel the evil intensity automatically leave your soul =]
My point of view is that no matter whatever the problems or setbacks are, I should not have let it go ! As in give up =[ Nobody can help me including God if I don't help myself ! =] Mind is a powerful tool that can either generate disastrous and devastating results or benefiting and joyous results =] My mind is within my control =]
I am going to be from nobody to a somebody =] Nothing shall stop me or refrain me from achieving that ! I certainly worth more than any of you guys think ! I will not torture myself anymore ! I will love myself to the degree that I will surpass all my love for anyone I had in my life ! Simply, no one do not care if I live or die or suffer =]
This is my first fucking ever time, typing and meaning my words or text ! I am solemnly changing... It is unbearable and painful.... I can't watch my life pass by ! In the end, I gain nothing and I will appreciate nothing, absolutely zero !
I don't give a freaking damn thing anyone going to boast about ! Go ahead and crow ! I am too obstinate to believe that I am not far away from anyone ! I can make it ! =]
My past post are just illusions and imaginations I had ! =] A new Beginning will mark all my words ! =]
I will stop going online gaming ! I will find meaningful and productive work that will cause my mind to process ! =] I will start training myself, shift my emotions constantly in specific areas =] IF I had nothing good to say, I will just shut my fucking mouth up ! =] I promised !
All this things I pray in Jesus name. Amen! Hallelujah !
I end of with a BROAD SMILE =]
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