Lost ?

I am ball in the high wheats.... Every time the wind blows, I will just follow along.... There is zero value and meaning in every where I go =[

I get a double whammy whenever I am in school and outside of school.... I don't exactly know the reason but thoughts that struck me( Negative) usually cause that ... When I don't talk, not because I am depressed !

That's the problem with me, all the while fear and condemnation takes place ! I have no self-assurance that it will be fine ! None of you guys will be able to help me, only God does... Every week, I always seeking for something that would be beneficial for me ! It's quite tough !

There is still a lot more to learn... Journey does not stop ! Just like the Sun ... It will never stop burning and shining.... All this hysterical people thinks the Sun will just eventually stops burning ! Crap lol... Day after day, meteorites struck the Sun numerous times, various shapes and sizes...

I am enthusiastic about climate changes =] It makes me wonder and think XD Realising that it is the only think that could satisfy myself, I will continue to search for relevant details XD Who knows I might be interested to take in the career as a meteorologist or scientist ! =] I will follow my heart whenever it takes me, where the wind blows, I will follow ! If no one supports me , I will stand on my feet and support myself.

This musical had impacted me...Ever since I step my foot into the rehearsal hall, numerous problems and setbacks bombarded me ! I am very grateful for those who taught me the steps =] Hahas will not neglect the help of my peers in Believe the musical =]

I think I will stop my post here...

Gerwin

I end off with a... SMILE =]

Who Am I ?

I am a little emotionally affected today... It had been lasting for at least Three Months straight I have this complex mindset of mine =[ It was extremely tough for me =[ Every time I felt like giving up =[ Seriously !! No Kidding !! God who loves me, does not wish to see me condemn, he whispered in me to read about Ministry of Death and Deepest root is Condemnation by Joseph Prince's Destined to Reign =]

It was rather true that I was under that circumstances to perform such thoughts in me =[ I had plenty to say... I wanted to avoid anyone from noticing it =[ I kept cool ! Life still seemed complicated but that's the way it is =[ It's inevitable ! I had to face it =[ This year has been my first Painstaking start =[ It was unbearable =[ The extreme condemnation inside me ! I cried day and night when I was a lone =[ Humming songs under my breath... All the while was depressed and wished I could reverse the time =[ I could not and it is impossible =[

YAYA ! You guys can keep giving comments and recommendations about being positive !! You guys only know how to say it but not doing it ! You try being under this pressure.... I bet you will not believe it and just suicide if you can !

On April 28th, a miracle finally arrived =[ Am I pleased ? Of course !! I was relieved ! I felt the devil that possessed in me, left automatically once I started realising that God was behind all this =] Praise the Lord ! Amen =]

Without knowing that God tries to remove me from the evil temptation ! I insisted on siding the devil but not God =[ Wretch person of me =[ Since Jesus came, his blood cleansed me whole and healed =] Thank God for his mercy =] I am living a better life right now =] Although examinations are around, I know God has finished the work and I am just doing his finished work =]

I love being a Believer =] IT leads to better living and lesser resentments =] That's why I am in this production ''BELIEVE'' =] Now I know what was holding me back =]

Today I am able to express myself to you is because of my personal rejoicing with God =] Hahas =]

It might seem to you that all doubts had been cleared... There is only a little bitterness in school and I seriously hate it !! A slight twist and that's the end ! Great ! Losing friends and love ones is the most heart breaking experience ! I had them once but it was put to an end =]

There's goes the saying Who Am I to judge ? I just an ordinary person who believe righteously in Jesus's Finished work on the cross and I am healed wholeness =] I have zero authority in any position ... In this production, I am generally a youngest in the entire cast and crew. We all start small =] Right believing leads to right living and living righteously ! =]

Although setbacks might seem troublesome and afflicting, knowing that giving up is the lousiest excuse, why not just bear the grudges and live like normal ? I should have ask that to myself 4 months ago...

Musical is drawing near =] I am nervous XD Hahas First biggest project, First experience, First major setbacks and First mendings of my personal problems !!

I learned the most this year ! Regardless of whatever had happened, you know most important you must not criticise yourself(myself) . Example ; not good Looking, a little fat, pudgy or whatever imperfection, Never ever fall short of yourself =]

I will close here,

Gerwin

I end off with a..... SMILE =]

Things slowly to better =]

It has been long since I did not interact with my parents XD Today I did =] I know it sounded rather ridiculous but it was the fact =] My parents understood what I am undergoing =] They encouraged me and gave me advice to rest more when necessary =]

I always hope that my parents were stricter by all means =] Simply because I needed that lecture for me to be sturdy =] I starting to realise how important family bonding is =] As I always thought that my family will never understand my situation but I was absolutely wrong =] Through Christ, Grace gave me confidence to communicate with my parents =] There were truth follow up =] It is a little religious but too BAD ! =] Jesus my lord and Saviour had took all circumstances on the cross itself just to purify us (Healing) =] I began to feel his holiness and blessings =] Each time I felt like giving up, He gave me solution to overcome the setback in a condition that I (Myself) want to accept it =]

I bought the book Destined to Reign =] It taught me useful tips to be a believer and worshiper of God =] There are two different main factor which is Law and Grace =] The book written : We cannot mix Law with Grace as it is like adding ferment wine into new wine. Grace is Grace, Laws are Laws =] Two separate main points =] Grace will flow when Law is forbidden =] I chose Grace =] It will make me Reign in life XD I guessed I was too excited =]

Well, I am starting cheer myself up and compare myself with Jesus's love for me =] His heavenly father agreed to send him down to the mortal and suffered all condemnation and sins from us. From there on, people sins were forgiven =] Amazing Grace =] Something which was undeserved and unmerited favors =]

I will close here =] I believe (For me) All work is finished at the cross so I can rest from work =] Striving to hard will bring no benefits =] Certain things =] It is like chasing rainbows which you know it is impossible as it is refraction of light =] Tiny water droplets were subjected under the sunlight to produce magnificent spectrum of colours which symbolises 'Rest' ! =] Seven is a holiest number XD

Notice when I Smile =] Seven colours appears XD Cry three so Smile better =]

I end with a...... SMILE =]

Resurection

Hi there ! I know my blog has been dead for a term =] I had no spare time to write or rather lazy =] I had many rehearsals and other activities (Unimportant ones !) so I tangled up my time =[ Every time I tried to encourage myself to start writing out to express myself and at the same time improve on my composition sentence structure =] Now I will go according to weekly basis =]

It had been a dramatical roller coaster journey =[ Many mishaps occurred =[ Trying to be optimistic was the most complicated job =[ Yes, I deserved it due to my ignorant act =[ It was disheartening to watch people leave me =[ I never expected that really impact my daily life =[ All day long, I had been pondering over all this nonsensical thoughts that only disrupts me in learning (General reflection) =[ I felt that why I had to be the victim ? Well, I agree with Mr Alex that Life is not fair =] I must admit it... I personally experienced it =]

Forget about my previous post =] Now come to the main topic =] Resurrection ? To what ? Not to the blog! It was certainly for me ! I need to refresh my thoughts =] I prayed in Jesus name that He will cleanse me =] Many miracles or unknowing things happenings =] You think I was the only one behind all this ! No! It was with Christ that my life changes drastically =] Pastor Joseph Prince Preached on Doctrines and Words of God =] I am interested as it was meaningful to life =] It had great effect on me =] Grace and truth are together =] He taught me through preaching on various beneficial Words of God. It transformed me into better self-confidence and self-worthiness =]

The one thing that I will never forget is, whatever anyone cast aspersions on me or persecutes me or talk back behind me or whatever means to intimidate me, their word carries zero power as I am the one who will bring vitality and clarity to the words coming from others =] Simply means, I am the only who can control my own emotions and beliefs =]

I think that's about all =] Hope you guys would realise why I stayed silent in the middle of nowhere =] Argh ! Don't bother me better ! I am insane =] Instant changes in my facial expression =]

I end off with a...... Cry

Annoyed by her !

Why Sort of disturbed ?

Simply because whatever she said does not make any common sense to me ! For example: She told us specifically that not to write more than two pages full of context if not she will not understand the story line of your composition. It's completely insane right ! As a language teacher, she must be more superior in her subject ! Not complaining about being oblivious ! I had lots of disagreement with whatever she spoke for the past four weeks ! There was another case that happened today which made me confused ! She rebuked us for not reading books but when I started reading, she said that I am straining my eyes ! WT* was she trying to signal me ? Crap la ! Seriously, I am extremely disappointed with her progress ! She almost failed as a Language teacher ! She is not a professionally trained teacher. She just deliberately abusing her own powers to try to impress me by using complex words without making any meaning to it at all ! Well, to put in it a easier way, she just trying to pretend that we as the whole class will be astonished to the way she interact with complicated words which does not make a single sense at all !

She taught us Syllables and pronunciation of words today ! WoW ! Awesome, 100 marks given to her lol ! I really regret that Mr Alex left teh school =[ Now I know what he meant by other characteristic of teachers =] I had deep thoughts that this year and the following year will be quite a traumatic experience for the classes being taught be HER =[

Well, simple saying, An Absense of something makes you recall and regret greatly =[ Mostly we take things for granted =[ Including me, opportunities given but not taken in as a challenge =[ More homework does not mean that the teachers are cruel =] We as a whole have to realise that all this are beneficial towards our O's ! I didn't want to mention about N's because it's really a huge interval between the context of the question, it will be At least ten times more complicated than the N's as to compared with the O's =] I don't wish to let time flies and absorbing absolutely zero ! I agree with Mrs Smahon that 'Every moment counts' ! We have to sometimes interpret deeper and generates positive remarks of that person =] It makes everyone have a broader smile on their faces =] She has to make an attempt to change her techniques to communicate and transfer knowledge from her to us ! Both parties must evenly change =] You guys are with me ? =] I always wanted to express to her what I feel about her ! It isn't easy to opinion on others effort which they didn't ask from us =[ I had load of things want to share with her to improve the condition just finding for the right time and place to do it =] I still regard her as an elderly despite of her background and character =]

There was a part where by I totally objected ! Not all teachers always gain victory ! Students have some priority on sounding their concerns =] We pay for the teacher to come and share their knowledge with us so we have the every right to comment ! Of course in a proper and poilte way =] I must say Mrs Smahon really just spit whatever she wants in her mind without further hesitation ! =[ Gosh ! Perhaps I raised too much of her =]

Basketball ! :

Hahas just a short paragraph here =] Sleepy and exhausted !

Basically I just summarise the entire event =] We just played for three hours of basketball =] It was fun though XD Hahas I acquire the truth now =] Chin Yong's girlfriend revelation appears as quite a miraculous choice -.- He perpetuates on with that Girl from 3A2 -.- Haiz ! No comments LOL =] Jia hui seemed upset today, for certain and private reason =]









I end off with a.............. SMILE =]

She fails one after another...

Reason towards her failure :

I failed to perceive her as a proper english teacher =[ Simply because she still does not understand the needs of both classes 3A1 and 3A2.... Despite so many rumours spreading from a class to another class, she still don't understand the situation going about. It has been four weeks from the start of the year, we supposed to be doing comprehensions and compositions... but she subsequently wasted time on creativity and disciplinary in her lessons itself... There are a total of 6 hours every week just for english alone... In that period of time, numerous learning can take place... She kept screaming and shouting regardless of whatever she's doing... Well, I appreciate her teachings a lot but not in this manner... Though her lessons are more or less meaningful but it does not appear in examinations ! She gradually upsets plenty of students leading to disputes in her lessons... who to blame and who is in fault ? She is the majority one who created all this miraculous problems -.- I expected her to be more professional but seems like it is quite tedious job for her.... Anyway she has got to find her ways to help to improve on the condition =] Like Mrs Smahon said ''You must help yourself in order to succeed and achieve whatever is your desires or ambitions''. Now I am returning back to her in a rephrase statement ''You must learn to stimulate students in order to attain others attention towards your teachings''. Makes absolute sense =] We do our part as a student and she must also follow what's needed to look forward to a better class and stronger bondings with the students themselves =]

Well, I just hope she discovers the requirements of us soon ... I will not let the matter continuously getting worsen to the point that we totally give up on her... That's when hatred comes and probably stays permenantly within us =[ May she realise the truth from me to her as soons as possible =] God bless ! Amen =]

Discussion of her Ends here :

Let's not interact in this way =] It is a terrible thign to do behind other people =] Well, I will not possibly wait for her to notice the true colour of the students =] I will begin on my own =] I believe I can obtain a A2 at the end of this year =] Knowing the result is virtual, I will strive harder to score for A1 =] The O's will determine how much and far you had accumulate throughout this damn Four years of education... Not a Joke ! I solemnly speaking the truth =] I can feel the complication coming from my inner thoughts and feelings =] I have great fear on that, so to prevent it from revealing, my journey towards the O's begins where I am sitting now =] I will start counting the days to the O's =] Well, impossible is nothing =]

The school on the other hand, is another major problem I discover ! All this load of crap meetings are just trying to accelerate the hour hand quickly -.- It is just a total waste of time and effort -.- Morever this year is a streaming year ! It is either you fail and remain or pass and go forward =] I rather not attend the rehearsals and fail my exams, instead stay at home and start revising over and over again =] Even If I entirely understand, I shall not be arrogant and continue working ! Arrogance blind yourself =]

Well, after all, the sixth sense I must be within me is FAITH =] Once faith surrounds me, everything will be moving smoothly =] I believe God will guide me along throughout my lessons or test =] I believe he is with me where ever I head to =] God does not attempt to even deceit mankinds =] He is trustworthy and full of righteousness =] Nobody can replace him =]


Well, I will end here =]






I end off with a.... SMILE =]

I spoilt my fan !

Fan spoilt !?

Today, every period were double =[ It was like brain washing time =[ Many recaps of previous year syllabus =[ For chemistry and physics, both are completely foreign to me =[ Part of the chapter I understood but mostly blurred out =[ Slowly I am capturing what the teacher is explaining =] I am of course glad about that =[ I am not oblivous =] I am able remember certain things for years and still fresh in my head =] This few days, I was capricious =[ I left my book under the table but fortunately, I retrieved it back =[ After a few days, there again I left my file underneath the desk and just walked off the classroom without knowing =[ Once I am thrilled about something, I always forget those various location like underneath the desk which I placed my books =] Now of course it is gradually improving =] I will make an attempt to bend my spine and take a glance so as to ensure I don't leave anything behind =[ I get worried easily =[ Especially those notebooks and important stuff =[

My church said ''Worrying causes the pipe to be strangled!'' Meaning to say that the pipe is flowing calmness but because of my emotional anxiety, I am actually strangling the pipe which provide me the necessary wisdom and clarity =] It has been provided by God =] So we can't blame the God for not giving us the things we did not see =] The church services really teaches us many meaningful scenario and cruxial knowledge about the Bible; God's words =] I started praying for goodness and guidance from God when I was moody and depressed =] The following day, I had no recalls upon my yesterday's sobbers =] I beginning to feel his existence =] There was another time whereby I lost my file which contains some confidential details on a hardcopy paper =] Not really important but just don't want it to be exposed to everyone else =] So I prayed to God and the following day I found my file at Mrs Smahon class =]

It was this Monday which we had double English periods with Mrs Smahon =] So I was engaged in my reading, totally had no idea of checking underneath the file =] So there was a sudden thought which I doubt it was my own personal thought. I began feeling for the file and I felt something, I was extremely relief at that moment of time =] I am very sure that God was the one behind all this =] Amen ! XD

You know how I was feeling just now? I was petrified when my fan screw couldn't be tighten =[ I was seeking for help but there weren't =[ Nobody was at home except me =[ It all happened like this : I was intending to wash the fan because it was covered with dirt so the vandilation seems blocked by the dirt =] I unscrewed the screw and I heard some crispy sound =[ That was the time whereby I was astonished ! The contents in the screw chipped off =[ Oh my Gosh LOL ! I am dead meat ! I started punching my father's number frantically and hopefully he will be able to pick up my call =[ I don't want to keep it from them (My parents)... After all, it is their property ! Finally, they gave me a call and asked me what's the matter =[ I was afraid of telling them the tragedy =[ I took in a deep breath and told them all about it =] They were silent for a few seconds and I felt peculiar =[ I thought they would have rebuked but instead they told me not to fearful =] I felt a calmness inside me after I spoken to them =] If there's a need to change the fan, I am willing to compensate =] All the while, I was the one using it so I am the one responsible for my facilities used =]

A phobia living inside me =[ :

There was something I feared of losing =[ Every night I always come about thos virtual imagination happening to me in future =[ I always hope that will not happen =[ I am afraid of losing someone =[ It is difficult for me to let that person leave me =[ He is my everything =[ I once was lost but that person was the one who grap me from my darkness and pull me out of that place with an absence of vitality =[ It is getting more real =[ I better stop posting before it comes true as our mind is a powerful generator =[ It makes everything revealed after some time =] So better stay optimistic XD



I will pray to God, hoping he will guide me along together to understand that person more =]










I end off with a........ SMILE =]